Talkin' to the Ether

Hey-o, InterWebs. Again - I have a really long post I've been wanting to write and share, but it'll have to wait. I wanted to share something that JUST happened.

Pops - the man who looks awkward in the eye and says, Wut Up Awkward?

   Today was just so long. Long long long. It was filled with numerous awkward, uncomfortable moments that made me cringe. A lot. And for those of you who know me, I have an extremely high awkward threshold. I tend to bulldoze right through awkward moments [I get it from mi Padre]. So imagine how awkward this awkward must have been to make me cringe.



     It was just one of those days that is  wave after wave after wave of uncomfortable. It was also one of those days that reminded me following Christ requires sacrifice. I cannot always do what is easiest, what will make me the most friends, what makes the most sense. Sometimes I have to hurt people's feelings, or avoid situations and temptations, or stand by myself, or just be incredibly awkward. I am a disciple of the Lord, and, hurt as it may sometimes, I simply cannot put myself in certain situations or do what people expect, or, stranger yet, do what the old, pre-Jesus, pre-WashedInTheHolySpirit Brittany would do.

   And I don't know if you remember my melodramatic post about Khan , but this semester was somewhat of a rude awakening. I'm going to be extremely honest, InterWebs - I began with such fluffball hopes and plans for this semester. I was going to be so studious and nerdy in my graduate classes, and finally be cute and wear blazers and wool skirts; I was going to be fun and happy and move past the hard stuff. And then the LORD reminded me that life isn't just about me anymore, not at all.
    Instead, this semester began without any good friends. Situations changed. This semester began with the same hurt and temptation, back seemingly stronger than ever. This semester began with tears, disappointment, rejection, and loneliness. It was overwhelming and impossible. And I was angry. 
  God wanted me to come to Him in my need. Not to some boy. Not to my besties. Not to anyone who would listen. He wanted me to learn how to come to Him.
    By nature, I am a sharer. I tell everyone my everything. I am vulnerable, honest, and kind of needy. And suddenly there was no one but God. And so I told God what I felt. I like to "be real" with God - so I tell Him if I'm angry, or hurting, or impossible-d out. Some of the time. After I've already pre-shared with someone else.
      But today was sort of first for me, and somewhat of a "landmark moment" in my relationship with the LORD. After a long, frustrating day, I wanted to pour out to someone. I wanted someone to listen sympathetically and encourage me and tell me I am doing the right thing. And so I mentally began to scroll through my contacts list thinking about whom I could call while I waited on the bus that took a century and a half to come. And I knew she was busy, she heard me whine last week, she and her boyfriend are hanging out, he doesn't care, I haven't heard from him recently, etc etc etc. Normally I go to great lengths to find someone with whom I can talk. The sharer in me has to share and has to vent and wants someone to listen to her.

    And suddenly, I remembered I had God. [Isn't that sad? I "remembered."] I can talk to Him. He can and will comfort me. And I just began praying. Right there, on the bus.
     I didn't desperately call people to comfort me. I didn't send out mass texts so I could get enough sympathy to fill up my sympathy vat [can sympathy be a love language? ahah]. I went to God.
      God grew me. God grew me. Before I even knew it, He grew me. I came to Him without exhausting every other resource. I came to Him to share my hurt and concerns. I came to Him.

I guess ...I just wanted to share that. Not to brag, not by any means to boast. Well, I guess, to boast about my God. He is changing me. 

And you saw it! You, InterWebs, witnessed my confusion in the Khan post. And now you get to witness the budding result. However small it may seem, I chose to rely on God today.

I just think this picture is full of happy.

 I wish you could know  how big this was for me, InterWebs. Not that I might be esteemed, but so that you might see what God can do.


love,

bRob


PS - If you don't know Jesus in a "being real", personal kind of way, I must sound like a real whackadoodle - talkin' to the Ether on the bus instead of calling friends. Hah.