An Open Letter to No One // Edification

we heart it  via Darling, be daring.

Unless you've been living...oh, I don't know, nowhere, then you've probably heard about the Miley circa the VMA's debacle. That, in conjunction with her gratuitously sexual music videos and photos and erratic behavior, have driven her to the forefront of the public eye.

Recently, artist Sinead O'Connor facebooked an open letter to Miley Cyrus in which she describes how she is "extremely concerned for [Miley]" and blathers on about how Cyrus is being pimped, she is not caring for herself, she should use her talent instead of her sexuality, so on and so forth. Millions of people all over the interwebs have heralded O'Connor as some sort sort of martyr and mother figure for her deep-seated compassion and thoughtful advice to the younger artist.

Pardon my french, but I call bullsh*t.

A very public and open facebook post is NOT the appropriate forum to mentor or speak truth to a person in need. I find it troubling that so many people think that it is. (And based on Cyrus' defensive and questionable reaction, I would call into question its efficacy as well.)

I don't want to focus on the tabloid, star-studded, gossip-y controversy (i mean i totally do, but not right now), but rather the mentality driving a lot of the public response.

There are two very basic things we need to call out here:

•  If someone needs guidance or counsel that you are in a position to provide, a discrete and personal conversation will go a lot further in demonstrating your concern and compassion. Leave loud public announcements and open letters (that are really more about you and your highly publicized "compassion") behind. It seems a little Pharisaical, don't you think?

 If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 
Matthew 18:15

•  All guidance and advice should come from a place of love.

Let all that you do be done in love. 
1 Cor 16:14

...Knowledge makes arrogant, but love edifies. If anyone supposes that he knows anything, he has not yet known as he ought to know.
1 Cor 8:1-2

How do we ensure that we are speaking out of love?

I would humbly suggest that we look at our relationship with the person to whom we are speaking. Do you have any actual knowledge about this person's life or struggles? Have you truly lived life with them? Been there when they've hurt, rejoiced when they've rejoiced? Have you built a foundation for a conversation, not a lecture? Preaching at someone is not loving. Building a sincere and genuine two-way relationship, one in which you listen and talk, is.

I've been a person in need of guidance and instruction. I've been entrenched in sin and had people speak Truth to me. But the advice and support that's meant the most has been given by people who loved me well. The ones who held their hand out when I was in need, who rejoiced with me in my blessings, and intentionally invested in my life...it's never been the ones who arrogantly step in only to  counsel and then step out again.

To the self-righteous open letter writers, to the people who are professional hand-shakers and five-minute conversation-havers in between the pews, to the Sunday School classmates who collect prayer requests like Pokemon cards but never follow up:

Just because you have an opinion doesn't mean it's your place to say it.

Counsel and advice should always be rooted in Love, and Love requires investment. 

Ok, that's my last open letter.

-bRob

Awkward Truths: Anecdote Edition [my first kiss]

Here at Conversations, management [bRob] has decided to expand the scope of Awkward Truths to include some of bRob's awkward reel from the past. Enjoy.

My First Kiss 

The summer I turned fifteen, a mere fresh-faced [read: pimply and brace-y] child, my family boarded a cruise to Alaska. That boat would forever change my life. Mostly because Alaska is gorgeous, but also because I got my first kiss.

I spent ninety percent of my time on that cruise with the super-cool teen group [the other ten percent was spent eating. maybe 70-30 would be a more accurate distribution...]. We did everything together. We went to shows, played games, watched movies, flirted in a way that would make my twenty-something-year-old-self cringe. Also, we fell in love. And by we, I mean bRob. Juuuuust bRob.

His name was Matt. His little sister, Maria, and I became fast friends, which meant I should obviously be his first pick for cruise-girlfriend. He had beautifully tanned skin, dark black curls, and a huge calculus book. So mature for his age - studying calculus on a cruise. Enigma, in a word. My fifteen-year-old sophomore self boggled.

Also there was this kid named Chris who flirted a lot. He wore Rainbows before Rainbows were cool. He wrote poetry [read: "poetry"] with questionable grammar. Being from California, he was just so much older [Three. whole. years. Or maybe two? Who knows] and wiser in the ways of the world. Oh, and exotic. Being from CA definitely made him exotic.

My little teenage heart could barely handle all the emotional turmoil. I loved them, to be sure. But whom did I love more? Fate dealt a cruel hand, that week - sending two great loves my way [it should be noted that I have not since encountered this problem nor will I ever probably again]. 

On the last night of the cruise, the entire super-cool teen group celebrated by going to a final dinner together. Then Matt and Maria's parents made them leave early so they could get a good night's rest before debarkation [...seriously. They might've been home-schooled too, now that I think about it.]. Well that was that. No lingering glances, no trembling goodbyes, no meaningful hugs. Matt just left. Also Chris was being loud and obnoxious and disgustingly flirty. Obviously fate made my mind for me. Chris, then, would be the love of my life [read: week]. 

As all the other kids finally wandered off to go to bed or sneak alcohol from the bar or snag one last dessert, Chris and I wandered aimlessly, like creeps, through the halls of the boat, enjoying what was probably deep and marginally insightful conversation. I was looking absolutely gorgeous, my friends. I wore my cutest red tank-top under a cool, see-through white shirt. Remember when layering was the hottest thing? yeah. sure was. My stellar top combo was combined with light khaki capris that were about the same color as my legs. My hair was tied in two pigtails -two lopsided, mouse-brown pigtails. I even had minty gum in my mouth to hide the post-dinner halitosis. 

Hold onto your laptops, readers, because stuff's aboutta get real.

 As we slowed our walk, Chris flat-out told me he would kiss me.

In what I'm sure I thought was a slightly alluring and teasing voice I replied, "But I'm chewing gum." [This remains a problem even to this day. I am never  not chewing gum.]

He assured me it didn't matter. So manly. So wise.

A million thoughts ran through my brain. Most of them had to do with my gum. Did I swallow it? Side-pocket it? Give it to him? Is gum-sharing a thing?

In hindsight...I don't remember what I did. [which is probably why it's still a problem]. I finally said something super sweet like, "O.K."

And he did it. He leaned in...and stuck his tongue straight in my mouth. I don't even remember our lips touching. He had some kind of aim to get his tongue in without even making lip contact. Call me hard-hearted, but I almost gagged - it felt like I had a dead fish in my mouth. Years of romantic comedies had done me wrong, because this, my friends, was neither fun nor romantic.

I waited for as long as my nausea would hold off [three seconds], and then said, "Alright. That's enough of that."

No. Joke.

Then we awkwardly hug/cuddled [apparently Chris was not put off by the fact I found his kissing disgusting], said a nearly teary-eyed good-bye, and went our separate ways. 

how much puberty can you fit into one awkward photograph?
Both Chris and I are in this picture. I'm not going to tell you which one is Chris - it's more fun if you try and guess. Matt's not pictured. Trust me, though, he was a cutie.

-bRob

Epilogue: Chris and I kept in touch for about a month via email. His email signature was some short poem about blue eyes with terrible rhyme scheme and an incorrect "you're."

I can never change the fact that I shared my first kiss with someone who had bleached hair tips and can't distinguish between "your" and "you're."

The Reason For Not Posting This Time

Hey Webs -
   I do realize that 87% of my posts are posts explaining why I don't post more frequently, so in the interest of full  disclosure and consistency I felt it was due time to update with yet another.

This week has been such a beautiful and messy week filled with spiritual growth, dirt, paint, service, community, free food, precious people, very occasional showers, free food, WORSHIP, learning to not be the self-righteous kid I am 78% of the time, and free food. And the opportunity to beautify and serve my city in the name of the LORD.

Hopefully I'll explain better at a later date. But for now, it's been 14-hour days and no compie time, and I AM LOVING IT.

This week is leaving me with a faint sweet taste of Acts 2 (NIV):

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. ⁴³Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. ⁴⁴ All the believers were together and had everything in common. ⁴⁵ They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. ⁴⁶Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, ⁴⁷ praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

What a gift.

-bRob

Happy Girls

"I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls."

-Audrey Hepburn

I cannot think of a better description for my freshman "suite-y", Amy. She is as beautiful as she is happy.  To know this chica is to truly love her. She is genuine, friendly, and always good for a laugh. She is the least judgmental person I know. While our freshman suite was plagued with petty drama, she remained a friend to everyone - always sweet, always happy.

I had the chance to attend her wedding  [aside: between a hurricane and a lack of GPS, I got super lost and made it after the ceremony =( but in time for the reception] a couple  of weekends ago, and she was as lovely and sweet as ever. 

I'm glad I got to see them together, and I hope the Lord richly blesses their marriage.

-bRob

PS - I am officially the lamest photographer ever. Unless you like weird shoulders in the foreground of your pictures.

Redemption

Luke 23:54-62
Having arrested Him, they led Him away and brought Him to the  house of the high priest; but Peter was following at a distance.

After they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and had sat down together, Peter was sitting among them. And a servant-girl, seeing him as he sat in the firelight and looking intently at him said, "This man was with Him too."

But he denied it, saying, "Woman, I do not know Him."

A little later, another saw him and said, "You are one of them too!" But Peter said, "Man, I am not!"

After about an hour had passed, another man began to insist, saying, "Certainly this man also was with Him, for he is a Galilean too."

But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you are talking about." Immediately, while he was still speaking, a rooster crowed.

The Lord turned and looked at Peter, and Peter remembered the world of the Lord, knowing He had told him, "Before a rooster crows today, you will deny Me three times." 


And he went out and wept bitterly.


John 21:15-17 [Jesus has been resurrected]


So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?" He said to Him, "Yes Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Tend my lambs."

He said to him again a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Shepherd My sheep."

He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me?" Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, "Do you love Me?" And he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You." Jesus said to him, "Tend my Sheep."

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I don't know how to say anything worthy of commemorating the Lord's resurrection. I pray for humility to understand how desperately I need Him, His death, and His conquering of our sins.

So instead I share with you this beautiful redemption. For each time Peter denied Him, Jesus gave Peter the chance to speak his love. And He didn't do it to get an apology, He did it for Peter. He loved Peter and wanted to heal him and forgive him. This perfect example of forgiveness and love melts me.

Jesus does that. He takes our broken selves, forgives each and every one of our messy sins, and calls us to join His kingdom. Despite our denials, mistakes, and brokenness, He wants us to join Him. He came that all might be saved.

This, then, is love.

John 15:13
"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends."

-bRob