If you were to ask me which grocery store aisle is my favorite, and if I were to answer honestly, I would have to admit that I spent an exorbitant amount of time in the frozen food aisle last week. And not an adorably endearing amount of time - like when you see a single girl in a romCom picking out her lean cuisines right before she meets mister right and then only eats at fancy french restaurants - but a seriously messed up amount of time. Maybe fifteen minutes? I don't know. I paced up and down scavenging for dinner and tried to hide my face whenever anyone walked down the aisle.
Then I bought organic milk. I spent the whole [3-minute] drive home wondering what sort of person eats Red Baron frozen pizza while drinking organic milk.
On a scale from 1 to Hoarders, how gross is it that I haven't been washing my coffee cup between uses?
I dropped my dry shampoo in the toilet again, but on this blog, that has pretty much become a cliche.
So this one time when I was 11, I printed off the lyrics to My Favorite Things and memorized all 27 verses. I saw the Les Mis trailer the other day, and it's happening again. I've been perusing the YouTube for the past two days looking for the best rendition of I Dreamed A Dream and bouncing around my apartment singing it way better than Anne Hathaway ever could.
My roommate moved out and now I have no umbrella. Full disclosure: I've spent the last year using either the world's jankiest umbrella or my roommate's. Now I have nothing. NOTHING. Except for a few super-soaked walks to work under my belt.
But seriously, I am almost too ashamed to tell you this one:
Yesterday, when I went to the beach with some friends, I and my little eye spied a man with a peg-leg. He stood in the exact same spot for over an hour, so he kind of became our point of reference when the undertow pulled us down the beach. At one point I turned to my friends and said [loudly, of course, because it's me], "Where's Peg-leg? How do we know how far we've gone?" My friend leaned over and whispered, "That's his family, right beside us." His family then proceeded to get out of the water. I proceeded to duck under it.
I have started sleeping with my head at the foot of the bed. I think I just felt like mixing things up. It works because I haven't made my bed in a while and my comforter has just been kind of free floating in the middle of the bed.
keepin' it funky fresh.
-bRob
PS - that sign-off will be in next week's Awkward Truths, for sure.
