Awkward Truths of 2013

It's no secret management has been slacking on the upkeep of this blog. Life has not started being any less awkward than usual, so let's do a 2013 round up before I head to Vietnam. Which I'm sure will be a lot awkward in and of itself.

hi; not a recovering addict

1. I ended up falling asleep in the backseat of car on the way to the airport while the client was driving. Luckily I woke myself up with a loud snore.

2. A little while later, I had a dream with a pop-scare in it and woke up screaming...on a crowded plane.

Side note: My dreams have been startlingly vivid lately, in a completely evil and horrifying way. All incredibly dark nightmares or really melancholy memories. Never, like, a really realistic walk through Candyland. It's only been within the past six months to a year that my dreams have gotten really vivid and dark. Any advice? 

3. I got into some serious beef with a waitress at a fancy french restaurant because she claims that "You can't order the cheese plate as an appetizer because it's only for dessert." It didn't help I was super late to the dinner (wrong train stop + rolling a suitcase around San Fran + STUPID GOOGLE WALKING DIRECTIONS IN BETA) and had already annoyed the hostess with my giant suitcase and frazzled entrance. Regardless, no one puts Baby in a corner and no one tells bRob she can't order cheese whenever she durn well pleases. Obviously I had to order two desserts because even though I wanted the cheesecake I still needed that cheese platter. 70% on principle.

4. This profound purchase from my most first ever IKEA trip:

taking name suggestions...

For those of you still wondering, it's a stuffed rat. Never bought a stuffed animal in my life; in fact, i threw most stuffed animals i received under the bed because they took up too much space (i was a bratty little pragmatist). But maybe the wind was just right and the planets had aligned and also i was feeling super sentimental about McFly, and i could not leave the store without him.

5. Earlier this evening "The other day" I rationalized a two-hour nap because my arm was sore from the flu shot. Heaven help this girl if she ever actually gets the flu.

6. That time I fell in five-minute love with the guy I sat beside in first-class. He smelled nice, wore a smart corduroy blazer, told me about his yachting trip through Norwegian islands or something, smelled nice, was tall, dark and ambiguously ethnic, and walked me to my next gate. We'd obviously be married by now if I had actually gotten his name. hashtag missed connections. (HAHAHA We were in an airport. Connections. I'm killing myself over here....).

7. After I got incredibly fussy with the US Air ticket agent because she couldn't find my flight to Philadelphia, she patiently asked me, "Could you mean Pittsburgh?" Yeah, I meant Pittsburgh. Snotty bRob doesn't know the difference between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia.

8. Early this fall I went on a date which we rounded out with a trip to the movie theater. Only neither of us actually knew what was playing, so we asked the ticket girl for recommendations for 'something funny'. She adorably suggested Don Jon. Neither of us was familiar with the movie, except I knew it starred JGL, whom i love dearly, and the ticket girl was just so darn adorable, so we bought the tickets.

Don Jon  was a bad choice.

My date and I had barely held hands up til that point, and I'll have it be known that watching sexy-time films [more like soft-core porn] together is not the relationship-builder you might think it is. The whole movie I sat as far away from my date as possible with my blushing head in my hands. You could have fit at least one other tiny person between us. You know how half the fun of movie dates is waiting for someone to grab your hand or look over adoringly mid-movie? Yeah, that never happened. As soon as the lights came on, I full on ran out of that movie theater without looking to see if my date followed. 

9. Awkward Truth number 9: My 2013 blogging record

10. This truth is more of a question, but everyone reads books in the bathroom, right? I believe in multi-tasking, but i'm starting to think maybe not everyone's as open-minded about efficiency. One semester I read A Streetcar Named Desire entirely while 'multi-tasking'. Follow-up question, if you borrow someone's book, is it implied that you'll be 'multi-tasking' with it, or should you ask explicitly?

Michelle if you're reading this, I don't mean your books. Honest.

I know. girl's a mess.

love,
bRob

FestaPIElooza

^^ that was obnoxious; you know it, i know it, move on.

I told a friend I've been on a real pie kick lately, to which he responded, "Baking or eating?" Fair enough...BOTH. It's so hard to find a good pie, don't you think? When is the last time you ate a pie that WAS NOT apple or pecan? Like never ago? Time to get more fun with our pies, folks. I want to eat flashy pie.

In that spirit, i potentially over-committed to making three flashy Thanksgiving pies. Notwithstanding my former kitchen experiences (weren't those so fun), i would say my attempts were marginally successful.

Front to back: Mango Chili, Honey Rose, Chocolate Chip Pies

In case you have any interest in reproducing any of these (I won't even be offended if yours look better), here're the deets:

1. Mango Chili Pie - Once upon a time, little bRob went to Mexico and had the best Mango Chili ice cream of her life. Really, the best ice cream of her life bar none. Since then I've been mad obsessed with the sweet-spicy flavor palate. The flavors in this pie were so spot on. The texture of the mango, however, was a bit of a turn-off. Textures don't typically freak me out, but mango is kind of stringy. Also, in case you're interested, Grandma was mad the pie was so spicy. By the way - I used the pie crust recipe from this recipe by simply doubling it. I am proud to say I have never used a pre-made pie crust. For better or worse.
Verdict: 4/5 pie stars

I might try this again with papaya. Then again I might just grow out of this hobby in a week or two.

2. Salted Rose & Honey Pie - I love a good honey chess pie, and I've been wanting to use my rosewater ever since I bought it. This pie was fairly simple, though after refrigeration the crust was very tough. I can't tell if this is a bRob problem or if that's how it's supposed to be or if it's the recipe, though I doubt it because look at her pictures with their moody lighting and raw wood tables and organic honey. I would trust her over me. I think the pie came out according to plan, tough crust aside, but the floral notes are a little jarring. I enjoy rose, but my dad describes the pie as tasting like "a bathroom deodorizer". If you, however, are more open to the florals, then this pie is for you.
Verdict: 3.5/5 pie stars

3. Chocolate Chip Pie - After a visit to Royer's Round Top Cafe outside of Austin the other day, I fell in love with their famous Chocolate Chip Pie. Obviously this pie was not as good as the actual pie, mostly because I overcooked it. There is nothing I hate more than a burnt crust. I'm getting angry just thinking about it. My beef with this recipe is that it tells you to cook until the knife comes out clean, which never happened....trust me, I overcooked the pie waiting for it to happen. I should have remembered that the pie is pretty tender and gooey on the inside, which would mean it would never come out clean. Regardless, this pie is a crowd-pleaser. Despite the toasty crust, my family ate the entire pie. Verdict: 3.5/5 pie stars (the pie will be a huge hit no matter what - i mean it's cookie pie - but i'm just so mad that it got burnt). Crust: http://flossysfuel.com/lemon-lavender-pie/

I also baked a Lemon Lavendar Pie a while back. It was alright. Note to self: Do not use a regular grater to zest your lemons unless you want giant chunky lemon zest. It was a little gross.

I also tried making bread from scratch for thanksgiving, thanks to Pinterest (duh). It actually went fairly well, though it was stickier than I anticipated and I never got loaf-y ball shape. Mine looked more like an amoeba or something. Whatever. it was delicious. Don't forget to take the lid off if you want that romantic brown crust. 

Also, check out that Le Creuset in her post. Now that I'm so good at bread-ing, I kind of need one. Wouldn't it be the perfect Christmas gift for that darling aspiring baketress in your life on whom you wish to spend $300? I actually found another dutch oven on sale, but the name isn't french so i'm not interested. hashtag bougie.

(this color is called "Ocean". love.)

So that's me and my initial foray into baking. It's actually been very good for me, and I think I've worked up enough courage to try, oh i don't know, real food. Not today, but soon.

In other news, I'm going to Vietnam over Christmas, I am still in love with Jason Schwartzman and this guy I found in an LL Bean catalog, I'm mad obsessed with Blacklist, and I'm looking for a new sitcom since I finished It's Always Sunny (recommendations?). I want my next cooking adventure to be  Egg Tarts. If you never hear about the tarts again, it's because it didn't work. I'm looking to move to either Denver or Boston, so if you have any advice, hit me up. Finally, I should wrap up this post and go pack for tomorrow's early early flight. Let me tell you how thrilled I'm not about Monday morning flights.

Anyways, I hope you're doing well.

I'll just be over here living my baking dream, which may end with me quitting my job, moving to New Zealand, and opening a bakery, and maybe marrying a sheep farmer from Australia.

tschau,
bRob