Where does my faith fit into my work-dominated life?
I truly enjoy what I do. But more and more, I wonder how, in a job that requires a high degree of aggression, competition, and sacrifice, I am supposed to embody the grace, humility, and meekness God asks of His followers.
After a non-stop month of constant sleep deprivation, working all weekend, dealing with terrible coworker drama llama, blowing off my family and friends because I have a lifetime supply of excel sheets to sift through, completely blowing my diet out of the water and living on diet coke, sandwiches, energy drinks, and thai food...I'm exhausted.
Not by choice, mind you. I hate interrupting conversations and interactions with work calls, but, candidly, when your boss calls you about something last minute, what are you supposed to do??
I'm in a very confusing place right now. God has given me this personality and work ethic and drive that make me a good fit for consulting. And I don't think being a blunt, ambitious person is inherently wrong. I truly believe that God has put me here, and these parts of my personality that might strike some as abrasive have served me well in this environment.
But what I don't know is how to do these things with the grace of a woman of God. How do you turn the other cheek while still protecting yourself against a manipulative coworker who is attempting to undermine you? I've actually had a few people suggest that negotiating raises and salaries is greedy, but I believe there's something to be said for defending your worth as an employee. But where is that balance? And how do you make intentional time for friends, family, and, most importantly, the Lord, when you pound back energy drinks just to stay awake? How do I find the stamina to glorify God through my work when quite frankly I can't even get to all of it? Where does a healthy and necessary dose of ambition and aggression meet grace and humility?
And I think what worries me the most is that I don't have any godly examples around me. It's no secret that consulting can be a very secular, worldly career, and though I'm fortunate to be in a firm that is a far cry from House of Lies, consultants that openly identify themselves as a Christ-followers are few and far between (not non-existent, mind you, but certainly scarce). I don't think these intense, competitive professional careers are inherently antagonistic to a godly way of life, but why do I feel so alone in this? And how....do I do it?
In a world full of wolves, how am I supposed to be as shrewd as a serpent and innocent as a dove? It seems like a juggling act that I haven't quite grasped.
Here lies a post without resolution. I just don't know.