Awkward Truths

I really outdid myself this week.

that's just how my face looks. 

I walked directly through a funeral procession. I was a little confused, because the procession didn't stop at the intersection when the light turned red. A hearse driver waved me through...or held up his hand for me to stop. I couldn't really tell, so I bolted. I mean, it's not as if a hearse has a reason to rush...right?



I can't use chopsticks, and I went to the one sushi restaurant on the planet that doesn't take pity on people like me and provide forks. I ate sushi with my fingers. In public.



While I was playing with my robot in the lab the other day, a happy family stopped and watched me through the window. The only thing is that I can't figure out how to make my robot move forward, much less do anything awesome, so they sat there and stared as my robot rotated one inch forward over the course of two minutes. The family gave up and walked off, presumably to find something more interesting to watch, like grass growing.




The jewel on my crown of shame:
While out with a friend the other night, I pointed out that the guy sitting behind him looked just like Ray Lamontagne, the love of my life. My friend, despite my loud protests, walked over to fakeRay's table, told him my name, and then walked off, leaving me sitting alone and staring directly at fakeRay in awe. I was like deer in headlights as fakeRay turned to look at me, chuckled, and proceeded to turn back to his friend and continue his conversation.

RUDE. Real Ray would never do that. I debated whether to cry or kick my friend in the back of the knees. I opted for grabbing my phone and pretending I had fourteen texts to answer.




While walking past a bunch of frat boys playing football the other day, I walked face-first into a low, twiggy branch.



You've gotta laugh to keep from crying, right?

-bRob