From the Tundra

Dear blog -

   I forgot to tell you I wouldn't be here for a few days because I flew out to Colorado. Between being sick, going to the emergency room, and general Maury-style drama llama, I didn't have time to warn you that I'd be gone. And I knew you'd notice because I'm  normally super consistent about posting.

Pics, stories, hilarity to come.

Love,

bRob

PS - it is super cold here in this state. they collect snow here like it's their job.

Endless Loop

I'm currently studying for an exam I couldn't take this morning because of a late night emergency room run. Don't worry, I'm fine - just a real wimp when it comes to ear infections. That stuff is sick-nasty. I couldn't sleep last night, even after the meds. I think part of the problem may be that my ibuprofen expired in 2010 but I like to think it works anyways...maybe it just doesn't. Remedied - bought new ibuprofen today while fulfilling a prescription for more drugs.

If you didn't know me any better, these might sound like things an adult would do. Prescriptions, using drugs that aren't expired...

Found this little nugget on the youtube [I love it when people say 'the' first] and have been listening to it on endless loop:

Fun fact, I once had a computer science class with this guy. I didn't realize til a year later that he was a member of the band Bombadil. Cool, eh?

This song makes me feel weepy.

and also i'm having a giant pity party. That makes me feel weepy too.

Off to study some more.

Longer letter later,

bRob

Blogumenting

last week i was super sick.
i'm better now, and also we're out of kleenex and toilet paper.

Today's been another rough day. I say that not because I want pity, but because I'm blogumenting my feelings. And I'm big on full disclosure. 

Beyond that, there isn't much to say about my melodrama, but I wanted to share my go-to Bible verse for hard days.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted 
   and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

And my go-to tune:

Unrelatedly, I met with my senior design group to discuss a really unimportant ten-minute presentation for our Wednesday class. Here are one group member's thoughts on presentations:

"You know how I prepare for a presentation? I show up and then present."

"One time, to look like I'd actually prepared, I grabbed some blank notecards and flipped through them while I talked."

I am super thankful for my stellar team. We have too much fun, seeing as how we're putting in so many hours with a company that isn't paying us. hah.

-bRob

Sally Forth

About some time ago, I promised myself that I would never blog when I am either in the throes of anger or despair. Clearly, I forgot who I was dealing with, because obviously discretion and whatever the appropriate word is for keeping one's feelings to oneself  - these are not things in which I excel.

I know I'll find today's earlier post marginally embarrassing at some point, so I thought I'd qualify it with this post. However, I am neither embarrassed nor sorry enough to remove it entirely, because this is, at the end of the day, a blogumentary. The bad thing about being bRob is that you will embarrass yourself a lot percent of the time. The good thing about being bRob is that you'll probably forget about it pretty quickly.

However, I can still say that today has not been a good day. In fact, it's been unhappy.

But one thing I want to share with you is a little bit of truth and honesty. One of my biggest struggles is really understanding what God's love looks like. I know that it is all around me. But, broken as I am, it is something I have struggled to internalize for a while. It's God's Truth that keeps me going, but it's His Love that saved me, and it's His Love I don't really know. If that makes any sense at all.

However, something to which I've always been sensitive is how other people love me. When people make time for me, or follow up with me, or speak words of encouragement, it is such a blessing and it means SO much. Even when I am outright rebelling against the Lord, I see small glimmers of His grace through some of the people in my life and the kindness they extend.

 I  began to think about some of the things my brothers and sisters in Christ have done out of love for me. And really, I thought about how their love is a mere reflection of God's love. God's love that I see dimly. I dwelt on the fact that what my brothers and sisters do for me, they do on behalf of One who loves me more. Way more than they could. Not that they don't love me, but that He loves me unfathomably more, and their outpouring of love is a result of His love. Convoluted? Maybe when I explain it.

But as an exercise for myself - I replayed these events and things my friends have done for me as if God Himself was behind them.. Which He is.

Here's kind of how that worked (in my head):

* About a year ago, God sent me postcards every couple of days with encouraging words and verses on them for at least two months.

* Over a year ago, God stayed late after teaching a seminar late at night to ask me why I was upset and talk to me about my walk with God and why I was crying.

* In the fall of 2010, God pulled me aside before my baptism because He could tell I was nervous, and He prayed over me.

* Last semester, God paid for my lunch without even thinking twice about it, just because.

* Last month, God texted, messaged, and called me after Mariella got sick to see if I was alright and needed help.

* A few weeks ago, God texted me after Bible Study because I seemed upset. God then poured out words of encouragement and understanding.

* Tonight, God met me after a long day at work because I texted, in distress, at the last minute. God then listened intently, talked, laughed, and prayed with me.

All of you - I am so thankful God has blessed me with your friendships. He is gracious to have given me such sweet friends who show His love so well.

I have a lot of growing to do in understanding God's love [aaaaand in general]. But as I sally forth, I am reminded of His love by the way you guys love me.

Thanks for pointing me towards Him, even when I'm turned the other way.

-bRob

PS - I really thought the term was tally forth, but I googled it beforehand and changed it to sally forth puh-retty quickly. Because that would've been embarrassing. 

98 and a half

Do you remember that scene from Mean Girls where Lindsey's character eats her lunch on a toilet in a stall in the girl's high school bathroom?

Ninety-eight and a half percent of the time I find that scene utterly revolting. Why on earth would anyone ever eat in a public restroom? I cannot think of any nastier place to eat food.

But today, for the first time, I had the sort of day that made me want to eat my lunch quietly and by myself in a high school bathroom.

I get it, Lindsey Lohan character.

Some days there are worse things than germs and gross.

-bRob