Sally Forth

About some time ago, I promised myself that I would never blog when I am either in the throes of anger or despair. Clearly, I forgot who I was dealing with, because obviously discretion and whatever the appropriate word is for keeping one's feelings to oneself  - these are not things in which I excel.

I know I'll find today's earlier post marginally embarrassing at some point, so I thought I'd qualify it with this post. However, I am neither embarrassed nor sorry enough to remove it entirely, because this is, at the end of the day, a blogumentary. The bad thing about being bRob is that you will embarrass yourself a lot percent of the time. The good thing about being bRob is that you'll probably forget about it pretty quickly.

However, I can still say that today has not been a good day. In fact, it's been unhappy.

But one thing I want to share with you is a little bit of truth and honesty. One of my biggest struggles is really understanding what God's love looks like. I know that it is all around me. But, broken as I am, it is something I have struggled to internalize for a while. It's God's Truth that keeps me going, but it's His Love that saved me, and it's His Love I don't really know. If that makes any sense at all.

However, something to which I've always been sensitive is how other people love me. When people make time for me, or follow up with me, or speak words of encouragement, it is such a blessing and it means SO much. Even when I am outright rebelling against the Lord, I see small glimmers of His grace through some of the people in my life and the kindness they extend.

 I  began to think about some of the things my brothers and sisters in Christ have done out of love for me. And really, I thought about how their love is a mere reflection of God's love. God's love that I see dimly. I dwelt on the fact that what my brothers and sisters do for me, they do on behalf of One who loves me more. Way more than they could. Not that they don't love me, but that He loves me unfathomably more, and their outpouring of love is a result of His love. Convoluted? Maybe when I explain it.

But as an exercise for myself - I replayed these events and things my friends have done for me as if God Himself was behind them.. Which He is.

Here's kind of how that worked (in my head):

* About a year ago, God sent me postcards every couple of days with encouraging words and verses on them for at least two months.

* Over a year ago, God stayed late after teaching a seminar late at night to ask me why I was upset and talk to me about my walk with God and why I was crying.

* In the fall of 2010, God pulled me aside before my baptism because He could tell I was nervous, and He prayed over me.

* Last semester, God paid for my lunch without even thinking twice about it, just because.

* Last month, God texted, messaged, and called me after Mariella got sick to see if I was alright and needed help.

* A few weeks ago, God texted me after Bible Study because I seemed upset. God then poured out words of encouragement and understanding.

* Tonight, God met me after a long day at work because I texted, in distress, at the last minute. God then listened intently, talked, laughed, and prayed with me.

All of you - I am so thankful God has blessed me with your friendships. He is gracious to have given me such sweet friends who show His love so well.

I have a lot of growing to do in understanding God's love [aaaaand in general]. But as I sally forth, I am reminded of His love by the way you guys love me.

Thanks for pointing me towards Him, even when I'm turned the other way.

-bRob

PS - I really thought the term was tally forth, but I googled it beforehand and changed it to sally forth puh-retty quickly. Because that would've been embarrassing.