When You and God are not Gravy

    A couple of weeks ago, I was angry at God.  And I was ashamed to admit it. I was ashamed to say that I didn’t want anything to do with Him, that I wanted things to be different, that I was bitter and hurting . I don’t really know people who say things like that – not wanting God or being angry with Him. And that must mean I am really really messed up.

  

  However, a few days later, a sister in Christ confessed that she had not been “feeling God” lately. Disappointed, frustrated, and confused, she, too, was not feeling super-Jesusy either.

    

And that made me think. It’s not just me, then? Other people feel this way too, sometimes? 

YES.  Apparently, I'm not the only one who needs a little help [we all do].That is not at ALL to say it’s right. Odds are [and when I say the odds are, I really mean it is 100% certain that], when you and God aren’t gelling, fault lies with you (see Genesis 4:6-7, for example).

But what then? Obviously this is not an ideal situation…

First and foremost, how on earth can I ever be an effective witness if I’m not sure I feel or even want God?  And then I thought about the fairest question anyone could ask:

 “Why do you continue to do something if it hurts?”

Good question.

“Because I know it’s right.”  I knew my answer instantly.  I do not worship God because it is always super comfortable, or because it’s so cool, or because I like the awesome F.R.O.G. bracelets they hand out on retreats. 

To quote my man Clive: “"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth."

No matter what emotional state I was in when the Lord found me, it is by reason and logic and my desire for Truth that I continue to choose God.  I know without a doubt that He loves the dickens out of me and that I cannot live without Him, or at least not live well.

But still another question haunted me – If I do not feel God, and at the moment I’m not sure I want Him, but I know He is what I need, what do I do?

    This is where it gets hard. When you are angry at or disappointed in God, chances are talking to Him is the last thing you want to do.

    But when you are angry at a Divine Being – chances are also that He is the only one who can help you out of your angry/hurting/disappointment pickle. You need to talk to Him more in these moments than ever.  Tell Him the truth – that you are angry, that you have nothing to offer Him, that you don’t want to do what He is asking of you. I don’t believe He wants you to fake the happiness that isn’t there.

I promise you, even if your prayer is the meagerest [not a word], most pitiful and maybe even angry prayer, and even if you read His word with tears dripping all over the page, He knows that you are trying. And He is proud of you for that.

And He will heal you.

He’s done it for me many, many times. And I don’t mean over the course of a bazillion months -He began working then and there. When God wants you to know He loves you, He will not stop until you know. [Ex: He died for you.]

I suppose the real question I want to address here is “How do I love God when I do not feel any love within me?”

Always remember that when you cannot love in any other way, obedience counts as love.

And this is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, that you should walk in it. 

- 2 John 1:6

Talk to God and read His Word.  He wants to talk to you too.

Did I just lure you in with an artsy picture and then make you read this entire thing before you get to see it?
Shame on me.

-bRob

PS - Blogger is on strike and ignoring all of my formatting. BOOOOOOO.