Awkward Truths of 2013

It's no secret management has been slacking on the upkeep of this blog. Life has not started being any less awkward than usual, so let's do a 2013 round up before I head to Vietnam. Which I'm sure will be a lot awkward in and of itself.

hi; not a recovering addict

1. I ended up falling asleep in the backseat of car on the way to the airport while the client was driving. Luckily I woke myself up with a loud snore.

2. A little while later, I had a dream with a pop-scare in it and woke up screaming...on a crowded plane.

Side note: My dreams have been startlingly vivid lately, in a completely evil and horrifying way. All incredibly dark nightmares or really melancholy memories. Never, like, a really realistic walk through Candyland. It's only been within the past six months to a year that my dreams have gotten really vivid and dark. Any advice? 

3. I got into some serious beef with a waitress at a fancy french restaurant because she claims that "You can't order the cheese plate as an appetizer because it's only for dessert." It didn't help I was super late to the dinner (wrong train stop + rolling a suitcase around San Fran + STUPID GOOGLE WALKING DIRECTIONS IN BETA) and had already annoyed the hostess with my giant suitcase and frazzled entrance. Regardless, no one puts Baby in a corner and no one tells bRob she can't order cheese whenever she durn well pleases. Obviously I had to order two desserts because even though I wanted the cheesecake I still needed that cheese platter. 70% on principle.

4. This profound purchase from my most first ever IKEA trip:

taking name suggestions...

For those of you still wondering, it's a stuffed rat. Never bought a stuffed animal in my life; in fact, i threw most stuffed animals i received under the bed because they took up too much space (i was a bratty little pragmatist). But maybe the wind was just right and the planets had aligned and also i was feeling super sentimental about McFly, and i could not leave the store without him.

5. Earlier this evening "The other day" I rationalized a two-hour nap because my arm was sore from the flu shot. Heaven help this girl if she ever actually gets the flu.

6. That time I fell in five-minute love with the guy I sat beside in first-class. He smelled nice, wore a smart corduroy blazer, told me about his yachting trip through Norwegian islands or something, smelled nice, was tall, dark and ambiguously ethnic, and walked me to my next gate. We'd obviously be married by now if I had actually gotten his name. hashtag missed connections. (HAHAHA We were in an airport. Connections. I'm killing myself over here....).

7. After I got incredibly fussy with the US Air ticket agent because she couldn't find my flight to Philadelphia, she patiently asked me, "Could you mean Pittsburgh?" Yeah, I meant Pittsburgh. Snotty bRob doesn't know the difference between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia.

8. Early this fall I went on a date which we rounded out with a trip to the movie theater. Only neither of us actually knew what was playing, so we asked the ticket girl for recommendations for 'something funny'. She adorably suggested Don Jon. Neither of us was familiar with the movie, except I knew it starred JGL, whom i love dearly, and the ticket girl was just so darn adorable, so we bought the tickets.

Don Jon  was a bad choice.

My date and I had barely held hands up til that point, and I'll have it be known that watching sexy-time films [more like soft-core porn] together is not the relationship-builder you might think it is. The whole movie I sat as far away from my date as possible with my blushing head in my hands. You could have fit at least one other tiny person between us. You know how half the fun of movie dates is waiting for someone to grab your hand or look over adoringly mid-movie? Yeah, that never happened. As soon as the lights came on, I full on ran out of that movie theater without looking to see if my date followed. 

9. Awkward Truth number 9: My 2013 blogging record

10. This truth is more of a question, but everyone reads books in the bathroom, right? I believe in multi-tasking, but i'm starting to think maybe not everyone's as open-minded about efficiency. One semester I read A Streetcar Named Desire entirely while 'multi-tasking'. Follow-up question, if you borrow someone's book, is it implied that you'll be 'multi-tasking' with it, or should you ask explicitly?

Michelle if you're reading this, I don't mean your books. Honest.

I know. girl's a mess.

love,
bRob