Bad Dreams and Heartburn and Other Stuff

I had a really weird dream.during an angry nap today. For your info - an angry nap is when I'm so angry that I go take a nap because I can't think of anything else [constructive] to do.

design*sponge

My subconscious went a little wild during my nap. Also - it is highly inaccurate.

In my dream, I was moving out of a sweet and lovely bedroom with whitewashed walls. Kind of like this one, but with a fancier bed.

And I guess Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) was the only person I could call on short notice to help me move out, because she was there. Helping me move. At least I think it was Liz Lemon, and not actually Tina Fey...

buzznet

As we finished getting the stuff out of my  adorable apartment,  a crazy snotty cellist started taking over my room. And moving in. While I was still moving.

Fun fact: I used to play the cello. But I never really got competitive with it...mostly because I stunk. Also because musicians are a whole separate breed of people, and I most certainly did not fit in. Oh, a picture would be great here.

Anyways, my apartment was on the edge of a gorgeous crystal-blue lake, and one side was accessible by a complicated pier system. After Liz and I finished moving out of my apartment, my parents showed up to help me put my junk in my car, which was parked on the pier. Naturally. 

And then, in a sudden twist, the dream gets scary.

My mom wanted to move my car closer to my apartment, and I sat down in the backseat as she took over the wheel. I don't know what got into her, but with my dad and brother yelling in the background, and me yelling in the backseat, she got superconfused and 

...

drove us off the pier!

[were you on the edge of your seat during that ellipsis?]

And as my beautiful cherry-red CR-V began sinking, I began praying out loud. And then instructing my mother on how we should go about escaping our car.

I woke up shortly before we died.

But I was pretty freaked out after that - so I began researching how to escape a sinking car.

My subconscious got it wrong.

1) The car bobs a little before it sinks.

2) You should unbuckle your seat belt first. I don't even think I was wearing mine.

My subconscious remembered to pray, but not to buckle and then unbuckle a seat belt.

C'mon subconscious. Step up.

3) The water fills the car from the engine compartment and seals. It doesn't wait for you to open the door.

4) Also, don't open the door.

How To Escape a Car Sinking in Deep Water on Howcast

For your sake - here's the wikiHow video, and here's the link with step-by-step instructions for escaping.

Just in case.

what is my dear friend Brittany doing???Just in case.

Onto a less depressing topic:

Though I like to think I am at the forefront of all internet fads and memes and am plethora of information on current trends across the InterWebs, as you do too, I am sure, this recent fad has had me stumped:

Why are people, like my friend Brittany, taking these pictures? Laying flat on their faces? In awkward uncomfortable positions?

I just assumed I should have known what it is these people are doing, so I sat in embarrassed ignorance and was too ashamed to ask anyone. Fortunately for me, I stumbled across a picture of Flavor Flav doing this very odd thing, and according to the attached article, it is called planking.

the daily beast

Here I am, keeping you educated about this impressive fad.

However, as soon as I discovered the art of planking, it's apparently become worn out. Who cares what you think, buzzfeed???

Now I need to think of new poses for my Europe pictures. 

Whenever I go.

You know I gave myself heartburn and a headache today while freaking out about Germany?
No, you didn't, but now you do.

-bRob