My life is here today...berserk tomorrow.

So. My dad keeps telling me I've gone loopy. I always associate loopy with ladies who wear chunky jewelry, pea green frumpy cardigans, and have 3 cats, one of which is hairless. I wear tie dye and green nail polish and have two rats - I'm sure that's close enough. That's right...it's two rats now. Mariella is blind, albino, and a genius. She also pees like Seabiscuit, so beware.

Back to the start - my dad thinks I've gone bonkers because everything in my life right now is topsy-turvy. I take what I've done and flipped it all backwards. I've been rethinking my major, my co-op, my future, my life in general.

I want to get rid of my double major and stick with MAE. But can I handle it, really? And this means I will be sacrificing certain scholarships I've gotten through the industrial engineering department. And I don't even know what I should do post-graduation.
Honestly, I want to do engineering for a Christian mission organization. In Africa. AFRICA. But am I doing this because I feel led? No. Brittany wants to travel so she'll throw the God card.
And will I live in Africa for forever? Do I want a family one day? Will I want to consult? Will I regret giving up ISE?

And, since I was "strongly" discouraged from ditching my third rotation for a EWB trip to Uganda, I have decided that perhaps I should study abroad NEXT fall at the University of Cape Town. Issues: It's mega-expensive, I may not be able to get class credit over there (thus deferring graduation...again), and it's *technically* only for sophomores. But rules are there for bending, right?

My car died the other day. It's been bandaid-ed right now, but I don't think it'll last for too much longer. I have to start researching buying cars. I really want a station wagon, maybe a Subaru? I'm not clued in enough to maintain my own car - so it's definitely gotta be reliable. And cheap. Life costs a lot. Between 5+ (ok - 6) years of college, apartments, food (and of COURSE i'm too snobby to buy regular food...I'm obsessed with the ridiculous stuff that costs $. I mean really, why do I have to buy Greek yogurt? Is yoplait not good enough?), automobiles, oil for my oil sucking automobiles, rat play pens, etc, how will I ever afford anything???

Then there's always my personal demons. My temptations, my desires, my wants, and everything that pulls me away from God.

Good night. When life hits, it hits hard, doesn't it?

In looking through this blog - I realize it seems rather depressing. And really, I never blog when I'm ecstatic. When I'm on fire for God, when I think things are going well, when life makes sense, when I'm not scared or worried or on the verge of (or in the midst of) tears, I don't blog then. I promise I'm not always like this.

I need to start happy blogging.

For instance - I could have blogged Saturday morning. On Friday I was super busy at work (and being super busy = super important, yes? I choose to believe so...) I woke up in my old bed at home with an autumn sun streaming through my window. Fall is my absolute favorite season. Home is becoming one of my favorite places. And my sister's obnoxious wake-up call makes me laugh so hard.


Happy Blogging Step 1: Count your blessings.

Today I am thankful for my family. I love them all. They are giving, "passionate" (ie don't make 'em mad!), vulnerable, hard-working, and strong. They are hilarious and smart. They are truly blessings. Exhausting and frustrating blessings.

Philippians 3:13-15
Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.