Awkward Truths of 2013

It's no secret management has been slacking on the upkeep of this blog. Life has not started being any less awkward than usual, so let's do a 2013 round up before I head to Vietnam. Which I'm sure will be a lot awkward in and of itself.

hi; not a recovering addict

1. I ended up falling asleep in the backseat of car on the way to the airport while the client was driving. Luckily I woke myself up with a loud snore.

2. A little while later, I had a dream with a pop-scare in it and woke up screaming...on a crowded plane.

Side note: My dreams have been startlingly vivid lately, in a completely evil and horrifying way. All incredibly dark nightmares or really melancholy memories. Never, like, a really realistic walk through Candyland. It's only been within the past six months to a year that my dreams have gotten really vivid and dark. Any advice? 

3. I got into some serious beef with a waitress at a fancy french restaurant because she claims that "You can't order the cheese plate as an appetizer because it's only for dessert." It didn't help I was super late to the dinner (wrong train stop + rolling a suitcase around San Fran + STUPID GOOGLE WALKING DIRECTIONS IN BETA) and had already annoyed the hostess with my giant suitcase and frazzled entrance. Regardless, no one puts Baby in a corner and no one tells bRob she can't order cheese whenever she durn well pleases. Obviously I had to order two desserts because even though I wanted the cheesecake I still needed that cheese platter. 70% on principle.

4. This profound purchase from my most first ever IKEA trip:

taking name suggestions...

For those of you still wondering, it's a stuffed rat. Never bought a stuffed animal in my life; in fact, i threw most stuffed animals i received under the bed because they took up too much space (i was a bratty little pragmatist). But maybe the wind was just right and the planets had aligned and also i was feeling super sentimental about McFly, and i could not leave the store without him.

5. Earlier this evening "The other day" I rationalized a two-hour nap because my arm was sore from the flu shot. Heaven help this girl if she ever actually gets the flu.

6. That time I fell in five-minute love with the guy I sat beside in first-class. He smelled nice, wore a smart corduroy blazer, told me about his yachting trip through Norwegian islands or something, smelled nice, was tall, dark and ambiguously ethnic, and walked me to my next gate. We'd obviously be married by now if I had actually gotten his name. hashtag missed connections. (HAHAHA We were in an airport. Connections. I'm killing myself over here....).

7. After I got incredibly fussy with the US Air ticket agent because she couldn't find my flight to Philadelphia, she patiently asked me, "Could you mean Pittsburgh?" Yeah, I meant Pittsburgh. Snotty bRob doesn't know the difference between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia.

8. Early this fall I went on a date which we rounded out with a trip to the movie theater. Only neither of us actually knew what was playing, so we asked the ticket girl for recommendations for 'something funny'. She adorably suggested Don Jon. Neither of us was familiar with the movie, except I knew it starred JGL, whom i love dearly, and the ticket girl was just so darn adorable, so we bought the tickets.

Don Jon  was a bad choice.

My date and I had barely held hands up til that point, and I'll have it be known that watching sexy-time films [more like soft-core porn] together is not the relationship-builder you might think it is. The whole movie I sat as far away from my date as possible with my blushing head in my hands. You could have fit at least one other tiny person between us. You know how half the fun of movie dates is waiting for someone to grab your hand or look over adoringly mid-movie? Yeah, that never happened. As soon as the lights came on, I full on ran out of that movie theater without looking to see if my date followed. 

9. Awkward Truth number 9: My 2013 blogging record

10. This truth is more of a question, but everyone reads books in the bathroom, right? I believe in multi-tasking, but i'm starting to think maybe not everyone's as open-minded about efficiency. One semester I read A Streetcar Named Desire entirely while 'multi-tasking'. Follow-up question, if you borrow someone's book, is it implied that you'll be 'multi-tasking' with it, or should you ask explicitly?

Michelle if you're reading this, I don't mean your books. Honest.

I know. girl's a mess.

love,
bRob

Anchors Aweigh: McFly

Editor's Note: If you don't like gushy pet stories, feel free to not read this post. Honestly, I recommend it. I hate gushy pet stories. But this is mine. It's unapologetically gushy and I need to write it. It's more for me than it is for you.


I have lost three pets in an approximately six month time span. First it was Mariella, then my cat of 18ish years, Dorothy, died a few weeks ago, and now McFly. I miss him the most.

Pathetic though it may be, I bought him in a sort of lonely period in my life. I suppose in place of human friendship I sought animal companionship. Not really, but a little. Don't dwell on that.

It wasn't exactly an impulse - I spent a good month contemplating the purchase of my rat. And then bought him as a birthday present to me.

(McFly was from PetSmart, before I really knew about animal rescues)

McFly and I were not immediately best friends. He had an extremely jumpy personality. He also had a knack for escaping and squeezing into small spaces and running faster than I can.

When I first got McFly, I was living with a couple of girls who were animal whisperers. Whenever I brought him out to "play", he ran from me like I was the grim reaper, but he was always somewhat subdued around them. One time he actually fell asleep in S.'s arms [right after peeing on me]. It was a very precious scene, if you cropped out the part where I was sitting nearby looking bitter and pouting.

However, when he woke up, he heard a loud thump. He ran his speedy little self across the couch and cowered by me. S. cooed, "Aww, you're his anchor!" She explained an anchor is the person he clings to when he's scared or afraid.

Well, cool. I was his anchor.

That did not stop him from being downright obnoxious. Our first year together was, at times, rocky. At one point he escaped from his cage and hid in the box springs of my bed - what followed was an hour of cursing, squeaking, and rat wrestling, and then days of paranoia about whether or not he would hate me forever. Then there was the day he up and bit me my chin all the way to the bone. Rough.

over the past two years, mcFly and i have done lots of studying together

But at some point I think he adjusted to the fact that he was stuck with me. Especially after Mariella died, he and I developed a sort of rhythm. He learned to quit peeing on me, and I learned that when he sat in a certain spot, he wanted to be picked up.

this picture melts me

And then he got sick. I tried to be more proactive this time around - antibiotics, vet visits, switching to baby food fairly early in his sickness. All the same - his breathing was laborious and strained, and he'd stopped running around. Eventually his days consisted of sitting in one spot and maybe eating a bit of food. He did not even go into his cage; he merely sat on top.

During his sickness he became extremely clingy. He wanted me to hold him all of the time. If I left the room, the rat who barely moved would rotate so that he was facing the door. He would rest gently and actually fall asleep in my arms. McFly was sick, tired, and every breath exhausted him. And in his pain and what I think might have been a little bit of fear, he clung to me.

I was his anchor.

just a day or two ago

His last option involved a series of daily treatments that might manage his illness. Or euthanasia. When Mariella died I wasn't really educated on the timing and details of putting a pet down. But having seem one pet die a slow, painful death, I knew better this time.

Making this decision was agonizing. I hated all the factors that weighed in - expense, time, convenience, McFly's suffering. And then my job. Next week I start travelling on a regular basis - at the least, four days a week.

If I were still in college, I think I would push him through those treatments. And I would fight the good fight with him. But that isn't really an option, now that my job is starting. While I was on the road, he would go through a series of stressful treatments with someone else pushing the buttons.

I felt the most merciful thing, then, would be to put him down. I was the only person he liked, and not being there while he went through all of that seemed cruel.

I took him to the vet yesterday. A dear friend drove me there and held my hand the entire time. The staff and vet were so kind. Dr. L answered all my questions before I could even ask them. And she assured me I was making a good decision - which is what I think I needed to hear most. I don't know that there is any way to make this situation comfortable, but they made it much more bearable. [If you have an exotic in North Carolina, check them out].

Anyways, his death was quick. A brief injection, a squeak, and then I held him as his eyes glazed over.

I came home to the empty cage and untouched food and the rumpled blanket where we spent our last day together cuddled up. Today I worked up the courage to clean it all.

This has been the hardest loss of all my pets. McFly and I were, to quote today's youths, tight. I am so grateful for a pet that actually loved me. Trust me - animals that like me for more than a belly rub are few and far between. I'm also grateful that he died on our terms - without too much suffering, quickly and quietly.

compliments of my little sister

I'll miss him to heaven and back, for sure. McFly was an amazing pet and we've weathered quite a bit together.

Anchors aweigh, little man.

I think I'll be off pets for a while.

-bRob

PS. I feel it needs to be said, somewhere on the interWebs, that a sweet pet rat is so much cuter than a Corgi.

Bye Bye, Little Nugget

Hey guys -
    Just a quick post to let y'all know that Mariella, my little rat, died today.

It was kind of a shock, because for the past few days she'd been getting much better, it seemed. She was gaining weight, she was being feisty, and she seemed more energetic. However, overnight, something went really wrong - maybe something gave out. I don't really know, and I don't understand, but today she was very limp and couldn't move at all. Luckily my roommate and I got back in time to be with her when she died.

Anyways, at least she isn't suffering anymore. I want to say a BIG thank-you to all of the friends and family that have helped me take care of her this past week. Giving me suggestions, buying her food, helping me feed her, showing me how to give her medicine...thank-you for all the sweet texts, emails, and comments. And thank-you for your prayers.

I'm pretty sure that there isn't any Biblical basis for a pet heaven, but if there was, I'm also sure Mariella would be in it. She was the bomb diggity. She hated being held, she was insanely squirmy, she was very good at running on the wheel, and she loved stealing food from her much bigger cage mate, McFly. She was extremely nosy, but simultaneously cautious. Also, she had a horrible sense of balance. It was really adorable and endearing.

My sweet little nugget is gone.

-bRob

I was just thinking about how frustrating it is when God doesn't answer prayers in the way that I want.

Mariella is still struggling to breathe. I don't know that she's any worse, but she certainly isn't any better. This is a gross situation. I was hoping that the LORD would take her or that I would see rapid improvement over the course of the night. But that is not what is happening right now.

I don't know why, and it's really difficult to see such a little creature struggling so much. But I have faith that the LORD knows what He is doing, and if I have to put Mariella down tomorrow, I guess the LORD is using this time to prepare me for that.

-bRob

prayer request

Hey guys -

   My baby girl rat, Mariella is super sick. If she doesn't start breathing easier, I'm going to have to let her go within the next day or two, according to the vet. At this point, her breathing is so belabored that I just want her pain to end. I'm praying that the LORD either take her quickly or heal her soon. If you would, I'd appreciate your prayers too.

  I've been feeling so guilty, wondering why I didn't take her to the vet sooner. She's in such poor shape. I've been sobbing pretty much all day. Which was pretty awkward, I think, for the cashier at Target, where I pretty much decimated the shoe sale rack while drowning in a pool of sorrow. Come to think of it, it was probably pretty awkward for the guy at Lee's Chinese food too. Side note: Do not try to listen to this song if you're also trying not to cry.

Anyways, please pray for my sweet girl. For healing and the ability to breathe easier and for the effectiveness of the antibiotics. Also that she starts drinking water and keeps eating. And gains weight. She's only bones, right now.
Pray pray pray.

thank-you so much. i love this girl a lot.

-bRob

Levity

"I hope we find a cure for every major disease. I'm tired of walking 5k's."

- Daniel Tosh

I know I've said this about a gatrillion times, but did you know you can listen to comedians on Pandora?

Jim Gaffigan is probably my all-time favorite - I love that creepy little voice he does.

Who's your favorite comedian? If you're going to say Dane Cook, imma ask you not to comment.

Also, you should know that one of my rats just tried to eat the jeans I'm wearing through the bars of his cage...that's what I get for dangling my legs clad in their deliciously jean-y jeans near their cage...

-bRob

My Life in Numbers

a really bad haircut and 5 [!!] apartments ago.
Me and Interwebs, just chattin' it up.

Day 7 

in the US

Day 6

without a giant pretzel breakfast

Day 5

without internet at home

Day 4

of nerd-dom

 (read: school started)

Day 3

of staring hopelessly at my probability "review" homework.

review, my sweet bippy. i never learned this stuff ever. ever. ever.

i have no idea what to do.

Day 2

without a shower

my feet are disgusting.

Day 1

my babies and their new best friend, Mike, are back!

-bRob

PS - you are not allowed to judge me for my bad haircut picture or my smelly feet. 

Farewells Are Never Too Dramatic

Especially if I'm saying farewell to my sweet little nuggets, Mariella and McFly. Because I'm headed to Die Mutterland in a week or two, I had to find alternate housing for my rodents this summer. 

My two little babies. 

I tried to bond with them a little bit before I dropped them off at their foster home. It didn't go super well. They don't really like being handled an awful lot, and jury's still out on whether or not they even like me. I fed them too many treats [I'm ok with buying my rats' love], let them run around on my bed a little, tried to scratch their tiny heads.

Mariella pooped on me, and McFly just kept trying to escape. 

How do I tell these guys that we don't have that much time together? How do I let them know they won't see me for a while, but it'll all be okay?

And then a wave of worry washed over me:
What if they are too scared of their new home to eat?

What if they become lethargic and depressed and just sit in the corner of their cage?

What if they forget about me? What if I get back and they love their new mummy way more than they love me?


What if McFly bites my face off [again] because he doesn't recognize me when I get back?

I found a sweet girl with a rat of her own who offered to babysit for me this summer. I know they're in good hands. I do.

But I was still a little forlorn after I dropped them off. I wish there was some way I could tell them things. 

Sorry - Mariella can be a tricky little photography subject.

Here's what I would tell them:

Eat your food.

Exercise on your wheel.

Be happy.
Bite the kitty-cat if he comes too close, but don't be afraid of him.
Be sweet to your foster mommy.
Miss me just a little bit.
Mariella - try not to tinkle where you drink your water.
McFly - take care of Mariella. You know how dopey and blind she can be.

I'll come back for you guys, don't worry.
This is only temporary.

 I love you guys.

The most appropriate and underplayed goodbye song ever.

-bRob

The Carpenters were right about Mondays

Today was Monday. Today developed character. Today tried my patience.

{Whinefest: someone was in my secret bathroom today. That is MY bathroom. It was extremely unnerving, and me and my potty-shy self go out of my way to find the perfect isolated bathroom. Only on a Monday would this happen...)

On another note, would anyone like to hire an adorable (?)  industrial engineer for part-time work next year?

I have lots of skills including but not limited to:

-eating like a full grown man.

-typing a lot of words per minute. By my estimate, a billion, give or take some.

 -blogging with mostly excellent grammar.

- giving terribly mean glares. If you for whatever reason need a glower-er, I'm your girl. I glower and give snobby looks all the time.

Instead of being glum about how awful Mondays are, let's look at everything that went well today!

1. I ate a cheeseburger, fries, and diet coke. And my sweet combo came with FREE strawberry ice cream! And as we all know, calories count half on stressful days, and then half again on Mondays. I had cheeseburger/fries/ice cream for one fourth the normal tax on my health.

It was almost like eating a salad... a very juicy, flavorful salad.

2. I operated a lathe all by myself. While this did not make my day less stressful, it does make me feel very accomplished and strong. And I have a feeling you're probably a little bit impressed, InterWebs.

3. Ok - this is yesterday's news, but I discovered the beauty of a soy latte. Caffeine with soy is pretty delish.

All it takes is good food to make me feel better, apparently.

4. I bought this song (that's right...I download my music legally. Mostly because I feel better about it, partially because I don't know where to download it illegally. I'm still a little overwhelmed by the shadier side of the InterWebs).

Long Walk to Never

"And the long walk to never surely takes forever and ever."

5. My parents agreed to take me on Easter vacation. Mostly they don't take me with them on vacations anymore. For the past two summers I was in summer school...which is kind of like vacation...except for all of the schoolwork and not being anywhere cool and not doing anything fun.

PS - would anyone like to pet-sit some adorable rats?

Look at this li'l nugget! He's so sweet!

oh good heavens. i've turned into one of those people.

6. The lab man, Dan, whom I *may* have rolled my eyes and huffed at last week in a moment lacking grace and Christianliness, helped me with stuff. I would like to think we kind of became not enemies today, if not even almost friends.

I wish I had a picture of Dan. That would absolutely make this post. 

-------------------------------------------------------

Encouragement

"You love your God and Savior because He first loved you. The time will come when the character of your love will become changed into one which sees and feels the beauty and perfection of its object; and if you could be assured that He no longer looked on you with favor, you would still cling to Him with devoted affection." 

- E. Prentiss

-bRob

We Do the Best with What We've Got

Oh InterWebs. I'm so pooped. And I've had enough cake in the past few days to last me a solid month. Here, I'll show you.





 Marcia and I made a cake for my friend.She recently accepted Christ, and since she's on the Jesus train - we wanted to go all out. And when you think Jesus, don't you think dinosaurs? Oh, I sure do. More eating is being done here than baking....>>









Here is the strawberry flavored cake in the awful smelly mold. My roommate got mad at me for stinking up the apartment. C'est la vie. My roommate also gets mad at me for being too loud. And for having too many alarms in the morning. But unless she wants to drive me to school, homegirl's gotta get her boot-ay up for the long bus ride.

TRex didn't like his cream cheese war paint. We do the best with what we've got.

Marcia likes to pretend she's FOB-by. Way to be stereotypical.

 I would make a great Stepford Wife.

Secrets don't make friends.

Marcia wants me to hang up my roommate's decorative whisk [??] and use my rats as cage dancers for the next rave I have over at my apartment. Oh, you are all invited.

Serious











Business.

 

     You know what? I've been thinking about my favorite type of people. Now - as Jesus commands - I love [or try to, rather] all my "neighbors." But there are certain people with whom I especially want to be friends, every single time. It is always the genuine, honest, passionate people.
     On passion: I LOVE people who love what they're doing. I don't care if you are cutting hair or getting your doctorate, but if you do it with integrity and passion, you have my respect and admiration. I would rather be friends with someone who could talk all day long about what they do, even if it's breeding iguanas, than be friends with an engineer or scientist or lawyer who just did the job and got the degree just because. I met so many "just because"-ers at my co-op. People become jaded. They settle. They keep a job they don't want because it comes with a car or because their spouses like the salary they make or because they simply never tried moving past their safety net. LOVE where you are and what you do. Especially if you know you're where God wants you. And then tell me about what you do. Passionate people warm my heart.
     On being genuine: People who are so real - I have a special love for those who are vulnerable and honest and open. As someone who wears her heart on her sleeve, I feel for the others that do. It's a blessing and it's a curse. Genuine, truly genuine people are sincere and honest - you do not doubt their integrity. But they tend to share and share, and it can leave them open to criticism. Are there ever people around you you want to protect from the world? I feel that way towards genuine people. True authenticity is beautiful and can be fragile. 
     On being honest: I think we're scared of honesty nowadays. We would rather sugar coat and spare feelings. And I do think honesty can be, at times, merciless. But honesty + mercy is beautiful. Sometimes, I'll even take honesty over mercy. People who are honest, who cut past the sugar coating and irrelevance, they get things done. They value truth. I love it. It isn't difficult to find out what an honest person really believes - no false modesty, pretenses, or games. Most of the time - honesty is what I want. All of the time - that is what I need.

This wasn't meant to sound like an eHarmony ad. I was just thinking about qualities I love and desire for my friends. And a lot of my friends are exactly these things. Today, I am thankful for the uplifting friendships with which the Lord has blessed me.

love,
bRob

This is a fluke.

There's nothing pressing about which I needed to post [see that preposition placement? ftw.] I'm partially posting because I just want a new post without wonky html. Stupid thingie. I knew html at one point...sort of.

I actually really should go to bed, like, 2 hours ago. I need to get up waaaay early in order to: Sign my lease, move half of my junk in, go get my eyes checked out, get a new pair of glasses, drive back home, and pick out a perfume [...these burdens i bear]. I'm really excited about the glasses - I have broken more pairs than you have ever even seen in your life. I broke my recent pair in a bar fight. OR they fell off my face while I was "watching" a DVR'd episode of 30 Rock [ie I fell asleep on the couch] and then my laptop fell on top of them. {If I were to insert a song segment into this monologue, it would have to be Mike Posner's You Think You're Cooler than Me}.

The REAL reason I'm still up, dear InterWebs, is because my silly cat has decided she needs attention. She's a downstairs cat and I'm an upstairs sleeper, and she whined and whined to be let upstairs. But her kitty litter is downstairs...so I have to indulge her for a little while and then take her back downstairs so I don't face her sweet little surprises am Morgen.
She's really bossy - she climbed to the back of the couch and hits my head whenever I'm not paying her enough attention. Please gurrrl, there is only room for ONE diva in this house. And I think my little sister's got dibs.

I don't actually have a picture of my cat, Dorothy,
so I figured a pikcha of my rats would suffice. Not really, you say? Tough nougats. I have to be up [again] in a few hours for the drive to my new apartment, and i am not entertaining a cat photo shoot at this hour. On the left/underneath we have my sweet little [...if little means fat] rat Mariella. On top of her is McFly [After Sir Martie]. Mariella is clever and nosy, but not very adventurous. She does not like to be held and is very squirmy and clumsy, probably because she's so fat. McFly is extremely timid and is the best cage/playpen escape-r ever. He also bites sometimes. I have a scar on my chin to prove it.

My family has a dog named Toby (<<<), too, in case you were wondering. I don't really care for him, and he doesn't really care for me. I've tried playing nicely, but he poops a lot and grosses me out. The sad thing is, I would, in general, consider myself a [lazy] dog person before I would consider myself a cat person.


Yet here I am, at 1 am, depriving myself of sleep in order to entertain a cat.




I hope this isn't prophetic.

love,
bRob.