A Fresh Adventure

For those of you that haven't kept up with this little blog, I take the Full Disclosure above very seriously. I'm an over-sharer. If that makes you squeamish, you might just avoid this post. Or just read it realllll awkward-like. Your choice.

I just cried in an airport bathroom. Like, in the stall. I chased that down with a Happy Meal from McDiabetes, where I cried a little more. in a crowded airport. And then at an empty gate. And now I'm blogging at another gate. If you didn't know me any better, you might think that was pretty embarrassing. But then again I'm the sort of person who drools all the way down her shirt in front of her boss [i don't even know] and walks around with her skirt tucked up in her pantyhose...like, a lot. So I guess in the grand scheme of things, sobbing my way through DFW is small fries.

//Then I caught a plane and this post was put on hold//

As I sit down to finish this post, my eyes are still stinging from fresh new tears, and I'm sitting in the middle of shoes, text books, and a cello that have yet to be packed. I'm moving into my Grandma's house today.

I've spent the better part of a year rebelling against the Lord. Ignoring His will and desires for me, and choosing my own. Forsaking joy for fleeting happiness. Hurting people who care about me. Meeting my very truest worst self.

And this past week in a sudden whirlwind that could've only been orchestrated by God, everything came to a sudden halt. In one abrupt moment, all the carefully laid plans and hopes and life I'd whittled away for myself broke into tiny, splintering shards.

I am scared. I am angry. I am hurting. I am broken.

I hate that I'm moving. I feel like I'm leaving this city that's been my home for the past few years in absolute shame. This is never how I wanted to leave.

I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know if I'm fleeing my temptations or running from my problems. I am broken-hearted about so many things. I'm angry at the friends that gave up on me in my rebellion - the ones that refuse to even talk to me anymore.  I wish I had the time to take one last walk around my beloved alma mater and breathe the campus air, eat one more London Broil from Mitch's, go jog around Lake Johnson, drive down Hillsborough street, worship one last time at the Summit. Leave on good terms. I am ashamed of how I've hurt people I care deeply about.

Coming out of my rebellion shows me how truly broken I am. My struggle with anger has become increasingly dangerous and self-destructive. I have little to no community. And I've spent so long stifling the Spirit's voice, I have no idea how to listen anymore.

I cried out to God last week, You PROMISED to remain faithful, even if I was faithless. How can I fix all my broken pieces and struggles? How will I find community in this new podunk town? How will I be better if I can't even figure out everything that's wrong? Where are You? And out of the chaos He quietly said, "I will provide."

So that's what I have right now. A broken heart and the promise of the God Who Will Provide.

Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees,
and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, 

but rather be healed.

Hebrews 12: 12 - 13

Dear readers, you've seen me through Europe, pets, graduation, awkward moments, and many a splendid thing. But now it's time for a fresh adventure - learning to live a simple, peaceful life with my God. [...And my Grandma, a godly woman who says to me daily, Miss Britt, talk to Jesus.]

Here's to setting my paths straight and healing the broken bones.

I hope you'll keep reading.

-bRob

PS - I've sat down to write this post at least four times. It's taken a long time because a) this is hard, b) my life is genuinely chaotic at this moment. But already I've received encouragement from friends, and some of the ideas in this post are evolving. I will keep this post the way it is, however, because this is a journey. There will be good moments, bad moments, but I will try to be diligent about chronicling the Lord's faithfulness and salvation all the way through. And one day I will look back on the beginning of this journey and think, look how far the Lord has brought me.

Redemption

Luke 23:54-62
Having arrested Him, they led Him away and brought Him to the  house of the high priest; but Peter was following at a distance.

After they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and had sat down together, Peter was sitting among them. And a servant-girl, seeing him as he sat in the firelight and looking intently at him said, "This man was with Him too."

But he denied it, saying, "Woman, I do not know Him."

A little later, another saw him and said, "You are one of them too!" But Peter said, "Man, I am not!"

After about an hour had passed, another man began to insist, saying, "Certainly this man also was with Him, for he is a Galilean too."

But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you are talking about." Immediately, while he was still speaking, a rooster crowed.

The Lord turned and looked at Peter, and Peter remembered the world of the Lord, knowing He had told him, "Before a rooster crows today, you will deny Me three times." 


And he went out and wept bitterly.


John 21:15-17 [Jesus has been resurrected]


So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?" He said to Him, "Yes Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Tend my lambs."

He said to him again a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Shepherd My sheep."

He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me?" Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, "Do you love Me?" And he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You." Jesus said to him, "Tend my Sheep."

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I don't know how to say anything worthy of commemorating the Lord's resurrection. I pray for humility to understand how desperately I need Him, His death, and His conquering of our sins.

So instead I share with you this beautiful redemption. For each time Peter denied Him, Jesus gave Peter the chance to speak his love. And He didn't do it to get an apology, He did it for Peter. He loved Peter and wanted to heal him and forgive him. This perfect example of forgiveness and love melts me.

Jesus does that. He takes our broken selves, forgives each and every one of our messy sins, and calls us to join His kingdom. Despite our denials, mistakes, and brokenness, He wants us to join Him. He came that all might be saved.

This, then, is love.

John 15:13
"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends."

-bRob

Sweet Tea and Truth

Hey-o, InterWebs. I've started school now. It's crazy hectic, and I complain a lot, but, you know what, InterWebs? I kind of love it anyways.


     I'm at the point where I don't actually know what classes I'm taking anymore or what they're about - I just sign up for course numbers.  I'm kinda scared, because I have one homework assignment  for some class (called something) due the exact same day as the first class. Uh-oh. Guess who needs to start teaching herself whatever it is that class is about? bRob. Here's a picture of why I won't be able to feed my rats for the next year: The objects in this picture amount to a sum greater than $650. PERSONAL PIC of the day >



On a much less trivial, way awesome-r note, a sweet friend of mine gave her life to Christ this week! Hooooo-rah. This precious friend's life is going to change so much. It is my prayer that her Christian brothers and sisters will surround her and let her know what a big deal this really is.
    Perhaps you're wondering what I mean when I say, "gave her life to Christ." It sound like another hokey Bible Belt colloquialism, right? And that, in a way, is what it has become. Everyone has "given his/her life to Christ" once you've gone south of the Mason-Dixon line. You drink sweet tea and go to church and you believe in God.
"You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder." James 2:19

  Believing in God ain't nothin' special. Lots of people do it. It's an intellectual fact to believe in God. It costs you nothing. Believing in God/Jesus will not save you, in and of itself. To truly receive salvation, you have to be a follower of Christ.  But who follows Christ? From the gospels, we see a group of men [and some women, too!] who were called to follow Jesus and earnestly sought His teachings. Many left their lives [jobs, families, hometowns] behind in order to study under the ultimate Rabbi. And God asks the same of you. There is a prevailing theme in the New Testament that one must die to his flesh before he can gain Christ.

[ Mark 8:34-35  “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ³⁵ For whoever wants to save their life^[a] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it."]

You are flesh and sin, at your core. And one day, you'll find out how empty you are. You'll see the earth for the gross, broken place it is. And, hopefully, you'll recognize that God can bring you out of the broken mess (Psalm 103:4).  And you'll accept Jesus' atonement for your sins, and the Holy Spirit will  set up  camp inside of you.  And from that day forth, you and the Holy Spirit are going to team up to fight your flesh (Romans 8). For we die to ourselves and are resurrected as new creations (2 Cor 5:17).
      Followers of Christ accept a will that is far greater (pleasing and perfect) and far different  than that of their flesh.  Sometimes it hurts - not everyone will agree with your life or support you.You'll feel ostracized, at times. But Jesus did, too. He accepted rejection and the world's hatred because He loved you.
   So what greater honor than to live as He did? There is hope, you have purpose, and you are redeemed. You will one day leave these lusts behind for paradise.You are a child of truth, adopted by a Father who will never leave you ("He remains faithful, even when we are faithless.")  And if our God is for us, then who can ever stop us? He will shower you with His affection and blessings, so let the world wreak its havoc. You are in the hand of the God who conquered death.

Anyways - all of this - this long post- was my way of saying that my friend has done something phenomenal. . Angels are rejoicing, and God is so stoked that she has called Him father. And I hope you'll stop and pray and rejoice for her!

This verse amazed me this week: For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
(1 Cor 13:12)
 I am fully known. And one day I'll know Him clearly.

-bRob

PS - i slid in the ice and fell today. Twice. As someone tried to help me up from the first fall, I fell again and spilled tea in my hair.

PSS - today I am thankful for string cheese. It's the bombinist.