An Open Letter to No One // Edification

we heart it  via Darling, be daring.

Unless you've been living...oh, I don't know, nowhere, then you've probably heard about the Miley circa the VMA's debacle. That, in conjunction with her gratuitously sexual music videos and photos and erratic behavior, have driven her to the forefront of the public eye.

Recently, artist Sinead O'Connor facebooked an open letter to Miley Cyrus in which she describes how she is "extremely concerned for [Miley]" and blathers on about how Cyrus is being pimped, she is not caring for herself, she should use her talent instead of her sexuality, so on and so forth. Millions of people all over the interwebs have heralded O'Connor as some sort sort of martyr and mother figure for her deep-seated compassion and thoughtful advice to the younger artist.

Pardon my french, but I call bullsh*t.

A very public and open facebook post is NOT the appropriate forum to mentor or speak truth to a person in need. I find it troubling that so many people think that it is. (And based on Cyrus' defensive and questionable reaction, I would call into question its efficacy as well.)

I don't want to focus on the tabloid, star-studded, gossip-y controversy (i mean i totally do, but not right now), but rather the mentality driving a lot of the public response.

There are two very basic things we need to call out here:

•  If someone needs guidance or counsel that you are in a position to provide, a discrete and personal conversation will go a lot further in demonstrating your concern and compassion. Leave loud public announcements and open letters (that are really more about you and your highly publicized "compassion") behind. It seems a little Pharisaical, don't you think?

 If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 
Matthew 18:15

•  All guidance and advice should come from a place of love.

Let all that you do be done in love. 
1 Cor 16:14

...Knowledge makes arrogant, but love edifies. If anyone supposes that he knows anything, he has not yet known as he ought to know.
1 Cor 8:1-2

How do we ensure that we are speaking out of love?

I would humbly suggest that we look at our relationship with the person to whom we are speaking. Do you have any actual knowledge about this person's life or struggles? Have you truly lived life with them? Been there when they've hurt, rejoiced when they've rejoiced? Have you built a foundation for a conversation, not a lecture? Preaching at someone is not loving. Building a sincere and genuine two-way relationship, one in which you listen and talk, is.

I've been a person in need of guidance and instruction. I've been entrenched in sin and had people speak Truth to me. But the advice and support that's meant the most has been given by people who loved me well. The ones who held their hand out when I was in need, who rejoiced with me in my blessings, and intentionally invested in my life...it's never been the ones who arrogantly step in only to  counsel and then step out again.

To the self-righteous open letter writers, to the people who are professional hand-shakers and five-minute conversation-havers in between the pews, to the Sunday School classmates who collect prayer requests like Pokemon cards but never follow up:

Just because you have an opinion doesn't mean it's your place to say it.

Counsel and advice should always be rooted in Love, and Love requires investment. 

Ok, that's my last open letter.

-bRob

The Wrath of Khan

Pre-script: If you googled something Star Trek-y, like The Wrath of Khan, and landed on my page, you might be disappointed. Feel free to read anyways.

InterWebs - I've got to go for a run shortly, but I just ate lunch and am waiting [procrastinating] for a little bit. I ate a really good Philly cheese steak sub, and the conversation was great, but I do stink, permanently perhaps, of greasy onion rings and all things fried. Hah.

    Recently, I've been struggling. I'm back at school, and that means seeing old people and revisiting old situations, and sometimes it's hard. Really hard. And it hurts a lot. And I feel like the Lord's  putting me in place where I really don't have someone on whom I can lean...except for Him. And it's painful. I want someone to cuddle with on a Friday night, and friends to brunch with on Saturday morning. I want someone to call at night who cares about my day. Just...someone to be there. You know? I'm dealing with temptations, missing old friends and various people, dealing with loneliness and, at times, rejection.
  
    I was talking to my friend at lunch today, and I confided in her that, while I am glad the Lord is refining me, I feel like I've been here before. I've been crushed. I've been broken and hurting. It's all too familiar. And [Star Trek fans, if you've read this far, I'm truly proud of you!] this is a fairly common movie plot - a character is in some situation, but somehow, at some later point in time,  for some reason, the character  is in the exact same situation again.

Forgive  me, but the ONLY movie I could think of was The Wrath of Khan. I'm probably going to tick off a couple of Trekkies with my horrible explanation, but I think the basic idea is that the crew is pretty much out of luck and everyone's about to die and the ship's failing and blah blah blah pandemonium blah blah blah. The enemy [I think his  name is Khan? hah]  is super close to being victorious...WHEN...all of a sudden, Kirk hits a re-do button [it's some sort of time re-maker that re-somethings something - ok, I have no idea. I think it was called Genesis, but I won't offend anyone further by trying to explain it], and time rolls back to 10 (?) seconds earlier. And Kirk has this awesome chance to redeem himself and save his crew and redo everything, but correctly this time.

Perhaps a more fitting example would have been Disney's The Kid: the fight scene when that famous bald actor goes back into time to tell his childhood self how to fight or something. Whatever - I zone out at inspirational movies.Point is -- it's that moment where you get somewhere, and then you begin to realize you've seen this all before. And you get this sinking pit in your stomach...you've seen it all before and you never wanted to be back here.

    When I told my friend about how I don't want to be back "here", and it didn't go well last time, she reminded me of a simple truth: I'm different now. I've grown, spiritually. My relationship with the Lord has grown, however microscopically, just a bit stronger. And here's where the Star Trek analogy breaks down - I don't like to simply label the "last time" as a bad run. I don't want to believe I got it so wrong last time that God's thinkin', "Ok, clearly she doesn't get it. Re-do."
     Maybe this is a re-do. Maybe God is re-breaking me so I rely on Him well this time. But if I begin to think that the last trial was a waste and I messed it up, I'll forget the intentionality of each moment. One of the smartest and truest things I've ever heard: Everything that comes to us, good or bad, has passed through the hands of our Father. Perhaps I did mess up my last trial. This could be the Lord allowing me to redeem myself - which is SO merciful. Or maybe this trial is for refining me in completely new ways. I. Don't. Know. And I guess, in the end, the why isn't what's important.
      Though I'm feeling extraordinary deja vu,   I believe God is orchestrating my life with great intentionality. He has me in this trial for reasons beyond my understanding. The Lord has brought me to a similar place, but as a slightly different person. It is in His timing and His will I trust. If I truly believe Jeremiah 29:11, that He has plans to prosper me, then I know, whatever it is I'm going through, it's what I need. This trial is what I need.

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."

However melodramatic this post may seem, we are meant to rejoice in our trials - not mope. My biggest prayer right now is that the Lord use this time to help me find true contentment in Him. Not in friends, boys, grades, sweet hot red cars, or high blogging stats Or whatever. Rather, contentment in Him, and Him alone. BAH! It feels too big, too hard. Finding sole contentment in God? But He who began His good work in me will continue it (Phil 1:6). Transformation of the soul is a divine process.
    
Today I am thankful for the promise of a future and hope found in God's word.
love,
bRob


5/22/11
Post Script - After consulting with a Star Trek expert [my dad]...this post is highly inaccurate. Whatevs.