bRob the Romantic

Hi Webs -

I don't want you to feel sorry for me or anything but i did write this on Valentine's evening from the inside of an airport hotel room that smelled vaguely of oldness. I trust you're grateful I spared you all my Valentine's Day whinging on Valentine's Day proper, because that's the kind of thoughtful person I sometimes accidentally am.

As the snowpocalypse reigned supreme over in NC, my red-eye flight was delayed and I finally groveled my way into a ticket on Saturday morning.

via imgur

Which, if you do the math, leaves me in my airport hotel over Valentine's day. Being single on Valentine's Day is obviously not the most fun way to spend a holiday devoted to romance, and sitting alone in a hotel room spilling an ungodly amount of Thai food  (the lady offered me three sets of utensils. I'd probably find that amusing if it weren't such a cliche) all over the bed kind of exacerbates the whole ordeal.



After a lot of that ^^^ and about 3 hours of this  on repeat and just general all around self-pitying, I decided the best thing I could do to cheer myself up is to give back; giving back is so rewarding. Or so I've read.

In that generous spirit I have compiled some free romantic advice loosely based on a date I may or may not have had with Office Pervert, formerly know as OC for those who have followed along religiously.

How to Romance the Ladies, Probably

by bRob

1)  Practice saying "You look good" in a way that doesn't make me think you might have ladies' body parts stashed in your basement.

2) If a restaurant serves wine in a plastic glass, I promise you don't need to swirl and sniff before delicately sipping. That wine most definitely came from Wal-Mart.

3) Maybe don't hype up and make reservations for a restaurant that serves wine in a plastic glass.

4) Don't take me somewhere where your friend works and is going to make lewd gestures and point every time I turn around.

5) Also, if a girl does not seem to appreciate you staring at her chest, and if she's told you to stop grabbing/stroking her upper thigh ten times, the next best thing to do is not to grab her butt and yell "goosed you!"

It's my fault, really. I should have punched him the ninth time he grabbed my thigh.

6) Collecting pinball tables in your living room is not impressive. It's embarrassing and seriously makes me question your financial sense. And your sense in general. HOW old are you?

yeah no, not interested in seeing pictures.

stop texting me.

7) You: "What kind of Christian are you?"
Your gorgeous date: "Uh I guess I was raised Southern Baptist?"
You: "You might find this interesting. I'm going to the Vatican this summer."

Don't say that.

8) Did you just bring up marriage within a week of meeting me?

9) Know your strengths. If you take a sophisticated lady to an improv show, and if you aren't actually on stage, you are not a comedian. I cannot emphasize that enough. Do not try to be louder than the comedians. Do not get jealous and pout when I laugh at the comedians. They are funny. You are not. Deal.

10)  Because hope springs eternal and because i am a romantic at heart, i leave you with what highschool bRob considered the height of romance. Tip number 10 - just do this.

Oh, and here's one for the ladies: Drive yourselves. So important to have an escape plan.

I hope you feel a little loved today.

-bRob

Anchors Aweigh: McFly

Editor's Note: If you don't like gushy pet stories, feel free to not read this post. Honestly, I recommend it. I hate gushy pet stories. But this is mine. It's unapologetically gushy and I need to write it. It's more for me than it is for you.


I have lost three pets in an approximately six month time span. First it was Mariella, then my cat of 18ish years, Dorothy, died a few weeks ago, and now McFly. I miss him the most.

Pathetic though it may be, I bought him in a sort of lonely period in my life. I suppose in place of human friendship I sought animal companionship. Not really, but a little. Don't dwell on that.

It wasn't exactly an impulse - I spent a good month contemplating the purchase of my rat. And then bought him as a birthday present to me.

(McFly was from PetSmart, before I really knew about animal rescues)

McFly and I were not immediately best friends. He had an extremely jumpy personality. He also had a knack for escaping and squeezing into small spaces and running faster than I can.

When I first got McFly, I was living with a couple of girls who were animal whisperers. Whenever I brought him out to "play", he ran from me like I was the grim reaper, but he was always somewhat subdued around them. One time he actually fell asleep in S.'s arms [right after peeing on me]. It was a very precious scene, if you cropped out the part where I was sitting nearby looking bitter and pouting.

However, when he woke up, he heard a loud thump. He ran his speedy little self across the couch and cowered by me. S. cooed, "Aww, you're his anchor!" She explained an anchor is the person he clings to when he's scared or afraid.

Well, cool. I was his anchor.

That did not stop him from being downright obnoxious. Our first year together was, at times, rocky. At one point he escaped from his cage and hid in the box springs of my bed - what followed was an hour of cursing, squeaking, and rat wrestling, and then days of paranoia about whether or not he would hate me forever. Then there was the day he up and bit me my chin all the way to the bone. Rough.

over the past two years, mcFly and i have done lots of studying together

But at some point I think he adjusted to the fact that he was stuck with me. Especially after Mariella died, he and I developed a sort of rhythm. He learned to quit peeing on me, and I learned that when he sat in a certain spot, he wanted to be picked up.

this picture melts me

And then he got sick. I tried to be more proactive this time around - antibiotics, vet visits, switching to baby food fairly early in his sickness. All the same - his breathing was laborious and strained, and he'd stopped running around. Eventually his days consisted of sitting in one spot and maybe eating a bit of food. He did not even go into his cage; he merely sat on top.

During his sickness he became extremely clingy. He wanted me to hold him all of the time. If I left the room, the rat who barely moved would rotate so that he was facing the door. He would rest gently and actually fall asleep in my arms. McFly was sick, tired, and every breath exhausted him. And in his pain and what I think might have been a little bit of fear, he clung to me.

I was his anchor.

just a day or two ago

His last option involved a series of daily treatments that might manage his illness. Or euthanasia. When Mariella died I wasn't really educated on the timing and details of putting a pet down. But having seem one pet die a slow, painful death, I knew better this time.

Making this decision was agonizing. I hated all the factors that weighed in - expense, time, convenience, McFly's suffering. And then my job. Next week I start travelling on a regular basis - at the least, four days a week.

If I were still in college, I think I would push him through those treatments. And I would fight the good fight with him. But that isn't really an option, now that my job is starting. While I was on the road, he would go through a series of stressful treatments with someone else pushing the buttons.

I felt the most merciful thing, then, would be to put him down. I was the only person he liked, and not being there while he went through all of that seemed cruel.

I took him to the vet yesterday. A dear friend drove me there and held my hand the entire time. The staff and vet were so kind. Dr. L answered all my questions before I could even ask them. And she assured me I was making a good decision - which is what I think I needed to hear most. I don't know that there is any way to make this situation comfortable, but they made it much more bearable. [If you have an exotic in North Carolina, check them out].

Anyways, his death was quick. A brief injection, a squeak, and then I held him as his eyes glazed over.

I came home to the empty cage and untouched food and the rumpled blanket where we spent our last day together cuddled up. Today I worked up the courage to clean it all.

This has been the hardest loss of all my pets. McFly and I were, to quote today's youths, tight. I am so grateful for a pet that actually loved me. Trust me - animals that like me for more than a belly rub are few and far between. I'm also grateful that he died on our terms - without too much suffering, quickly and quietly.

compliments of my little sister

I'll miss him to heaven and back, for sure. McFly was an amazing pet and we've weathered quite a bit together.

Anchors aweigh, little man.

I think I'll be off pets for a while.

-bRob

PS. I feel it needs to be said, somewhere on the interWebs, that a sweet pet rat is so much cuter than a Corgi.

Endless Loop

I'm currently studying for an exam I couldn't take this morning because of a late night emergency room run. Don't worry, I'm fine - just a real wimp when it comes to ear infections. That stuff is sick-nasty. I couldn't sleep last night, even after the meds. I think part of the problem may be that my ibuprofen expired in 2010 but I like to think it works anyways...maybe it just doesn't. Remedied - bought new ibuprofen today while fulfilling a prescription for more drugs.

If you didn't know me any better, these might sound like things an adult would do. Prescriptions, using drugs that aren't expired...

Found this little nugget on the youtube [I love it when people say 'the' first] and have been listening to it on endless loop:

Fun fact, I once had a computer science class with this guy. I didn't realize til a year later that he was a member of the band Bombadil. Cool, eh?

This song makes me feel weepy.

and also i'm having a giant pity party. That makes me feel weepy too.

Off to study some more.

Longer letter later,

bRob

I was just thinking about how frustrating it is when God doesn't answer prayers in the way that I want.

Mariella is still struggling to breathe. I don't know that she's any worse, but she certainly isn't any better. This is a gross situation. I was hoping that the LORD would take her or that I would see rapid improvement over the course of the night. But that is not what is happening right now.

I don't know why, and it's really difficult to see such a little creature struggling so much. But I have faith that the LORD knows what He is doing, and if I have to put Mariella down tomorrow, I guess the LORD is using this time to prepare me for that.

-bRob

Farewells Are Never Too Dramatic

Especially if I'm saying farewell to my sweet little nuggets, Mariella and McFly. Because I'm headed to Die Mutterland in a week or two, I had to find alternate housing for my rodents this summer. 

My two little babies. 

I tried to bond with them a little bit before I dropped them off at their foster home. It didn't go super well. They don't really like being handled an awful lot, and jury's still out on whether or not they even like me. I fed them too many treats [I'm ok with buying my rats' love], let them run around on my bed a little, tried to scratch their tiny heads.

Mariella pooped on me, and McFly just kept trying to escape. 

How do I tell these guys that we don't have that much time together? How do I let them know they won't see me for a while, but it'll all be okay?

And then a wave of worry washed over me:
What if they are too scared of their new home to eat?

What if they become lethargic and depressed and just sit in the corner of their cage?

What if they forget about me? What if I get back and they love their new mummy way more than they love me?


What if McFly bites my face off [again] because he doesn't recognize me when I get back?

I found a sweet girl with a rat of her own who offered to babysit for me this summer. I know they're in good hands. I do.

But I was still a little forlorn after I dropped them off. I wish there was some way I could tell them things. 

Sorry - Mariella can be a tricky little photography subject.

Here's what I would tell them:

Eat your food.

Exercise on your wheel.

Be happy.
Bite the kitty-cat if he comes too close, but don't be afraid of him.
Be sweet to your foster mommy.
Miss me just a little bit.
Mariella - try not to tinkle where you drink your water.
McFly - take care of Mariella. You know how dopey and blind she can be.

I'll come back for you guys, don't worry.
This is only temporary.

 I love you guys.

The most appropriate and underplayed goodbye song ever.

-bRob

My life is here today...berserk tomorrow.

So. My dad keeps telling me I've gone loopy. I always associate loopy with ladies who wear chunky jewelry, pea green frumpy cardigans, and have 3 cats, one of which is hairless. I wear tie dye and green nail polish and have two rats - I'm sure that's close enough. That's right...it's two rats now. Mariella is blind, albino, and a genius. She also pees like Seabiscuit, so beware.

Back to the start - my dad thinks I've gone bonkers because everything in my life right now is topsy-turvy. I take what I've done and flipped it all backwards. I've been rethinking my major, my co-op, my future, my life in general.

I want to get rid of my double major and stick with MAE. But can I handle it, really? And this means I will be sacrificing certain scholarships I've gotten through the industrial engineering department. And I don't even know what I should do post-graduation.
Honestly, I want to do engineering for a Christian mission organization. In Africa. AFRICA. But am I doing this because I feel led? No. Brittany wants to travel so she'll throw the God card.
And will I live in Africa for forever? Do I want a family one day? Will I want to consult? Will I regret giving up ISE?

And, since I was "strongly" discouraged from ditching my third rotation for a EWB trip to Uganda, I have decided that perhaps I should study abroad NEXT fall at the University of Cape Town. Issues: It's mega-expensive, I may not be able to get class credit over there (thus deferring graduation...again), and it's *technically* only for sophomores. But rules are there for bending, right?

My car died the other day. It's been bandaid-ed right now, but I don't think it'll last for too much longer. I have to start researching buying cars. I really want a station wagon, maybe a Subaru? I'm not clued in enough to maintain my own car - so it's definitely gotta be reliable. And cheap. Life costs a lot. Between 5+ (ok - 6) years of college, apartments, food (and of COURSE i'm too snobby to buy regular food...I'm obsessed with the ridiculous stuff that costs $. I mean really, why do I have to buy Greek yogurt? Is yoplait not good enough?), automobiles, oil for my oil sucking automobiles, rat play pens, etc, how will I ever afford anything???

Then there's always my personal demons. My temptations, my desires, my wants, and everything that pulls me away from God.

Good night. When life hits, it hits hard, doesn't it?

In looking through this blog - I realize it seems rather depressing. And really, I never blog when I'm ecstatic. When I'm on fire for God, when I think things are going well, when life makes sense, when I'm not scared or worried or on the verge of (or in the midst of) tears, I don't blog then. I promise I'm not always like this.

I need to start happy blogging.

For instance - I could have blogged Saturday morning. On Friday I was super busy at work (and being super busy = super important, yes? I choose to believe so...) I woke up in my old bed at home with an autumn sun streaming through my window. Fall is my absolute favorite season. Home is becoming one of my favorite places. And my sister's obnoxious wake-up call makes me laugh so hard.


Happy Blogging Step 1: Count your blessings.

Today I am thankful for my family. I love them all. They are giving, "passionate" (ie don't make 'em mad!), vulnerable, hard-working, and strong. They are hilarious and smart. They are truly blessings. Exhausting and frustrating blessings.

Philippians 3:13-15
Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.