Awkward Truths

so, that happened.

While driving home this evening, I was about 67% certain for 4 solid seconds that I saw a U.F.O. 
By using my deductive reasoning skills, I am now 83% certain it was merely a weirdly-colored mid-highway streetlamp. The other 17% of the mind boggles...

I ate at a Mongolian buffet today, and I am not too classy to say I unbuttoned my skinny jeans in my car afterwards.

After a long day that ended an hour ago, I began the rest of my evening with a plan to do work. Instead I ended up here. With you.

I almost blogged today about ringtones that stink the most. That would be both nasty and lame. bRob needs to get un-grumpy.

During worship today, I got very frustrated over an "it's" instead of an "its" in the song lyrics on the screen. Do you think having decent grammar counts as a spiritual gift? Or a sign that someone is a little too concerned about things that absolutely don't matter [except they do sometimes].

After looking over some friends' blogs, I am very unimpressed with my own DIY skill-level. That is to say, I am feeling largely inadequate over the fact that I have none.

Side note: I hammered a really cute thing on my wall the other day. I'm going to take a picture of it and show it to you. You, of course, are going to be impressed, not necessarily because it was difficult, but rather it shows an initiative on my part to do something with myself besides watch hulu and go to class. Even if it is just nailing a cute thing to the wall.

Months later I still haven't moved my alarm clock an hour forward. Or backward. Or whatever it was we were supposed to do.  I just switched to using my phone for my alarm...

Someone told me to google myself to see what future employers might find if they looked me up. I'm pretty sure that one truth alone is enough to never get me hired ever. Luckily for me, bRob is not my real name. Does that shock you?

I can't breathe through my nose right now so I'm sitting here with my mouth gaping open like a trout.


And on account of being pathetic and sickly and being able to breathe out of only one nostril, I am going to sign off here before my truths disintegrate from awkward to nonsensical.

-bRob

sometimes I want to add -atropolis to the end of my name. Would you take me seriously if I signed off bRobatropolis?

See, this is what i'm talking about. I shouldn't have continued typing.

Hey Girl, Hey

Hey InterWebs -
 

This picture has nothing to do with this post, but studies show that posts with pictures get more page views. Or at least my stats count shows that. So I picked a picture where you can't tell how weird my bangs look and how many post-holiday chins I have. Also I read Mindy Kaling's book and spent the entire week after that wishing I'd become a comedy writer. You know, because I'm so good at consistently writing hilarious things, like on this blog and stuff. 

    Don't give up on me yet. This was the first week back at school, and I've been feeling extra snarky and sassy, so keep showing up to catch some of the running commentary I've been playing in my head.

Ok?
Yeah.

-bRob

Metamorphosis - My journey to Soccer Mommyhood

Doesn't Metamorphosis sound like the name of a very glittery perfume? A cloying mixture of cotton candy and something "floral" that isn't actually found in nature, housed in a plastic purple bottle bejeweled with pink and blue plastic crystals. It'd probably come with a free Lisa Frank pencil. 

I've decided to express my emotions via pictures [haha myspace-style...or was it livejournal?]. This is how I am feeling about not being in Germany yet:

Frustrated

jipped

i don't know what this emotion is, but i think i am feeling it

I am so aggravated and grumpy and bummed, and I don't understand why things are the way they are right now, but all I can say is I trust God. I know that I know that I know that He has plans for my summer, even though right now things are looking bleak. All things work for the good...(Romans 8:28).

I spent most of my day in my jammies on the couch [hats off to you, Bruno Mars], and then I felt a little [a lot] pathetic, so I tried to clean a bit, and then I went and worked out, and I wrote some letters and tried to pretend to be a big kid. Who does responsible things.

It's kind of like this. I'm in the self-congratulatory phase. And tomorrow all the things need to be done. Shopping for a camera, more cleaning, unpacking stuff, working out.

I figure that as long as I am temporarily unemployed and avoiding shopping for business casual clothing, I might as well get my bippy in shape. And the rest of me. I haven't worked out for the past two month, but I had really good reasons: first I was busy finishing/starting semester projects, then [not] beasting finals, then recuperating from finals [that's valid].  um.

So I went and got my sweat on today. I look incrediGross when I work out. Kind of like this, but generally worse:

Every time I get off a machine, I'm dripping with sweat, and I guess I stink, and I start to get really nervous and self-conscious and apologetic.

I wish I had some succinct means of apologizing to everyone in the gym, maybe something like this?

a much-needed t-shirt

But then would people think I'm bragging? Like - ooh la la, look how hardcore I am. I sweat and you get to swim in the puddles. I'm pretty sure that's what Chuck Norris says when he works out.

Tomorrow I've decided to get up before 11am and get my group work-out on at a cardio karate/judochopping/ninja arts class or something. Oh, and a spin class.

A spin class. Between my group workouts and my CR-V and my highlights [I got my hair dyed redder again, and the lady went crazy with the highlights], I think I'm morphing into a soccer mom.

If I just had some Sheryl Crow on my workout playlist, a tennis skirt for my workouts, and an extensive George Clooney movie collection, I'd be a perfect soccer mammy. Except I don't have kidlings. I can work around that.

OH - ps, I decided I'm not a fan of the words post. After about three unrelated quotes on a page, I get bored and decide to go do something else [online boggle]. Assuming you operate even remotely similarly, you probably didn't even read that whole post, did you?

I don't blame you. I'll pass on verses and quotes some other way.

-Soccer-Mom bRob