The Fruits of My Not Laboring

Hey Webs.

I should be studying for my a test tomorrow. I went out and bought:

- 4-pack of Starbucks Bottled Fraps 

- an Energy Drink (...my first ever...)

- a bag of gummi worms

- pizza rolls

- a microwavable cookie dish

- soda

...

and I still haven't worked up the motivation to start studying. [I did, however, crack open those gummi worms.] So I figured I'd use my studying time efficiently and blog instead.

Today is one of those days where I feel slightly sad, for about a billion different reasons. Last week I got a test back - a test on which I thought I'd done well. I received the lowest test score I've ever received before. When I went to talk to the professor today and ask questions about it, he asked me what I'd gotten on the previous test. It was also remarkably low. The professor shook his head sadly and gave me a look of pity - whether because I'm a forecasting/inventory control imbecile or because I'm doomed to failure, I'm not quite sure. Then he said, "Well, I hate that." Oh for SOMETHING's sakes! You hating my horrible test grade on my behalf is like me hating how bald you are for you. It's stupid. Let's just both leave one another with our dignity and not mention how sad it all is. 

That may have been a dumb analogy.

But as I left the professor's office, I broke down in tears. TEARS. Over a test grade. Or two horrible test grades, rather.

It's just one of those days where there isn't  much fight left in me, you know?

And I was thinking about that - about how just mundanely sad I'm feeling right now. Not just about tests or mosquito-bitten legs or the fact that I haven't done my taxes yet [...]. Just a little pathetic-ly sad.

I read Psalm 55 earlier today:

⁴ My heart is in anguish within me, And the terrors of death have fallen upon me. ⁵ Fear and trembling come upon me, And horror has overwhelmed me. ⁶ I said, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. ⁷ “Behold, I would wander far away, I would lodge in the wilderness.  

David's got it. Some days I just want to pick up my stuff and head west. 

There's a small [big] melodramatic part of me that wants to stop there and just be like, yeah. YEAH. Headed west, losers.

But I don't think that's the point. Psalm 55, again:

²² Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. ...But I will trust in You. 

God is good, guys. God. is. good.

-bRob

PS: My buddy E came to my front door and brought me a cupcake. Whatttt? That girl so bomb. snarked it down in two seconds flat.

Sacrificial Spring Break

I wanted to post a few pictures from the Spring Break adventure I mentioned forever ago...

I participated in Sacrificial Spring Break with a local church. In the morning, a group of sixty-ish college students went to a local middle school to help landscape, paint, and beautify.

btdubs, I've both cut and washed my hair since this photo was taken, so chill out.

In the afternoon, we split up to work on different service projects around the city.

My group, the rag-tag bunch pictured below, landscaped at a local community outreach center in the afternoon.  I was so impressed by the organization. The pastor, Royce (pictured on the left below), has such a heart for his community and serving them well.

I feel the need to mention that I have never actually been to Wisconsin, whatever my sweatshirt may (might?) say.

My bud Emily's group worked at a non-profit farm for the week. I kid you not. Right after this picture was taken, Emily and team got yelled at for playing with the livestock. Haaaaha, suckers.

I think our efforts to beautify the city was somewhat metaphorical for how God beautifies our lives or something like that, which is awesome, but as I am neither poetic nor one for metaphors, I chose to dwell on the fact that the Bible calls us to serve and love our neighbours. It was a great time to practice humility and using a servant's heart, or, if you don't have those (hi, that's me), pray for them.

There was so much community - it was wonderful seeing so many college students worshiping together. 

I think the following lyrics from Amazing Grace really resonated with our group (or bRob):

  When we've been here ten thousand years

bright shining as the sun,

We've no less days to sing God's praise

then when we've first begun. 

One day there will be no pain, no tears, and constant joy! Forever happiness, as the the Jesus Storybook Bible calls it. Worshiping whole-heartedly with that group made me think about the eternal future that awaits. 

There was lots of juicy goodness in that week, and it was by far the best Spring Break I've had. Granted, my last Spring Break involved getting my wisdom teeth removed....but, still...

-bRob

PS - Several (ie two) of you have contacted me, concerned about the fairly lengthy haitus. Specifically, Grandma has expressed concern. Fear not, dear (two) readers (...Grandma et al), I will try to be more diligent about posting regularly.

The Reason For Not Posting This Time

Hey Webs -
   I do realize that 87% of my posts are posts explaining why I don't post more frequently, so in the interest of full  disclosure and consistency I felt it was due time to update with yet another.

This week has been such a beautiful and messy week filled with spiritual growth, dirt, paint, service, community, free food, precious people, very occasional showers, free food, WORSHIP, learning to not be the self-righteous kid I am 78% of the time, and free food. And the opportunity to beautify and serve my city in the name of the LORD.

Hopefully I'll explain better at a later date. But for now, it's been 14-hour days and no compie time, and I AM LOVING IT.

This week is leaving me with a faint sweet taste of Acts 2 (NIV):

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. ⁴³Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. ⁴⁴ All the believers were together and had everything in common. ⁴⁵ They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. ⁴⁶Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, ⁴⁷ praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

What a gift.

-bRob

God is Good

I'm about to run off to class [I've attended EVERY class this week; are you impressed?], but I thought I should share some good news with you guys. I'll make it brief so I'm not late to class [because that would be new...].

One of the best ways to blind a Christian is to make him or her take God's blessings and gifts for granted, or not even recognize that they're from God [I think C.S. Lewis hit on this in the Screwtape Letters?]. We pray for things, but then when our prayers our answered, we flippantly believe that these things would have occured anyways.

So, before I rush off to class, I wanted to share two of my answered prayers and give God full credit for His blessings.

- Last week, McFly developed some weird sort of eye lump/sore thing. He's had it before, and it took a few weeks to go away. However, after losing Mariella, I did not want to take any chances with his health. . However, vet's offices are crazy expensive, even for a pet that fits in your hand [well, theoretically. McFly's turned into a chunky dunk.] A friend and I prayed for McFly last week - for quick healing, healing without needing to take him to the vet - etc. Within two days, McFly's eye was completely back to normal. 

God is good. He cares even about my little rat.

- You all may recall the dramatic emergency room visit a few weeks ago. I got a bill last week for over ten times as much as I was expecting, and even after insurance, it looked like I would have to pay close to $700. The hospital finance department was quite rude. I prayed that the Lord would be sovereign in this situation, even though I was angry as all get out - ready to bust some hospital doors down. My parents called to let me know a few days ago that insurance had negotiated the bill in half, and now I don't have to pay anything!

God is good.

I just wanted to share how God had answered my prayers. I have such weak faith, but it is so good to see the LORD answer prayers so clearly, swiftly, but most importantly, faithfully. He answers in such a way that I can trust His hand is ever-present in my life.

So, here's to trusting that God is sovereign in all situations, the little ones and the broken, messy ones.

-bRob

I was just thinking about how frustrating it is when God doesn't answer prayers in the way that I want.

Mariella is still struggling to breathe. I don't know that she's any worse, but she certainly isn't any better. This is a gross situation. I was hoping that the LORD would take her or that I would see rapid improvement over the course of the night. But that is not what is happening right now.

I don't know why, and it's really difficult to see such a little creature struggling so much. But I have faith that the LORD knows what He is doing, and if I have to put Mariella down tomorrow, I guess the LORD is using this time to prepare me for that.

-bRob

prayer request

Hey guys -

   My baby girl rat, Mariella is super sick. If she doesn't start breathing easier, I'm going to have to let her go within the next day or two, according to the vet. At this point, her breathing is so belabored that I just want her pain to end. I'm praying that the LORD either take her quickly or heal her soon. If you would, I'd appreciate your prayers too.

  I've been feeling so guilty, wondering why I didn't take her to the vet sooner. She's in such poor shape. I've been sobbing pretty much all day. Which was pretty awkward, I think, for the cashier at Target, where I pretty much decimated the shoe sale rack while drowning in a pool of sorrow. Come to think of it, it was probably pretty awkward for the guy at Lee's Chinese food too. Side note: Do not try to listen to this song if you're also trying not to cry.

Anyways, please pray for my sweet girl. For healing and the ability to breathe easier and for the effectiveness of the antibiotics. Also that she starts drinking water and keeps eating. And gains weight. She's only bones, right now.
Pray pray pray.

thank-you so much. i love this girl a lot.

-bRob

Let's Pray

Hi readers -
 

   One of my friends and Bible Study leaders just went into premature labor and also has high blood pressure. I don't know much about the situation, but it is my understanding that they are extremely concerned about the baby. Please stop and pray for my sweet friend and her husband and their little one.

I'm praying too.

-bRob

Not Enough Hours

Ok. That's a lie. Sure, there aren't enough hours in the day, but the true constraining variable in my life is that there is not enough stamina [read: self-discipline] to get all my work done. This semester is going to require so much discipline!

catching up with my favorite burrito from my favorite burrito place

Yesterday, I went non-stop from 9am to 12:15am...at which point I just kind of gave up and wasted time. I spent over five hours yesterday working on one homework assignment with which I thought I was nearly finished - going to two sets of office hours, meeting with other students, writing and rewriting and calculating...- only to have a TA hunt me down and tell me that the previous solution to a proof was completely wrong. Well, I always have an extra three hours to re-do all of my work.

I came really close to dropping that very same class this week. It's for my minor, and it's way out of my mental league, and taking so many credit hours seems absurd. But, out of the blue, I had two different people just walk up and offer to help me with my homework.

I'm young in my faith, and I'm terrible at being sensitive to the Holy Spirit's movement, but I feel like God was providing for me, encouraging me to keep on going. Not to drop the class, but rather to man up and work hard. And it reaffirmed that old adage: God will not bring you to something and not bring you through it.  He will provide the means necessary to do His will.

    I've been praying for friends in my courses this semester [haha I'm the cool kid who prays for friends]. If there are any college n00bs out there: there will be certain courses that you cannot survive without a study group. You will spend hours upon hours weeding through material that might as well be in Greek, and a study group may not change that, but at least you'll have others to commiserate with while analyzing algorithms into the wee hours of the night. **Disregard if you're a genius.

And I'm so grateful that the Lord provided for me.

Anyways, after an exhausting, frustrating yesterday, this song came on the radio:

After jamming out like the nerdiest kid you know, I felt ten times better. And fiercer. And stuff.

So pump up your volume, enjoy, and have a great Thursday!

-bRob

My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty.

These past few weeks have not been ideal. It's been a rough couple of weeks, between school work and personal drama and blahblahblah. I pulled a couple of Martha's, and I want to try to focus more on my spiritual growth than on whatever it is I find to preoccupy my time. And also, I bought a rat, as seen here. His name is McFly (that's right - back to the future). To be quite truthful, I wanted a girl (don't tell him that), but this was what Petsmart had to offer. And if you've seen me within the past week, you'll realize I'm absolutely obsessed with him, so I guess it wasn't such a bad purchase after all.


Moving on. The REAL reason I wanted to write a post was to share something that is, to me, a little profound. Did you know...
God created each and every one of us???

Now, before you roll your eyes, listen here. Some people see how big God is when they look at the sunset or the Grand Canyon or the ocean or something like that. And that is wonderful (and really cliche), but that is not what gets me.

When God's greatness and vastness really strikes me in the face is when I look at other people.

I am not a people person, per say. I don't love people, I don't want to hear everyone's story and love them and hug them. It's not how I am. In fact, all too often, I am aggravated and in sheer amazement of how someone has managed to step all over my absolute last nerve.

Do you know anyone who makes you take a step back and question your whole outlook on life? That person that doesn't seem fit into any logical equation, and it drives you bonkers? You know, it's that person who makes you pull your hair out and go, "I have to meet her parents. Maybe something somehow will make sense if I know who raised this person."


And it's in those sorts of people I see the vastness of God. You see, Jesus wants to be my very best friend. He does, I know. And the thing is, He is overcapable of being the absolute bestest friend I could ever have. He will fulfill my every need and will encourage me and discipline me and make me laugh and be there when everyone else lets me down.
And guess what else? He can be that Best Friend for ANYBODY. He IS that best friend for the girl who drives you bonkers. That person that makes absolutely no sense to you, that person you want to roundhouse kick in the face, that person who has hurt you in every way imaginable, that person whose life is so different and undesirable to you - Jesus wants to be, and is more than enough to be, that person's BESTEST friend as well.


Did you get that? He is so dynamic, so wonderful, so immense, that He has the ability to be every individual person's absolute best friend. He's not a little of something for everyone...He has the ability to be everyone's individual everything.

MIND BLOWN.

So, if you see someone who makes you want to punch a care bear with frustration, or there is a homeless person that creeps you out, or someone takes advantage of you, or the weird kid who picks his nose and plays dungeons and dragons (oops, did I just stereotype?) sits next to you, keep this in mind:

Jesus wants to be his or her best friend too. He loves them EVERY BIT as much as He loves you.

God created ALL of us. The crazies, the cheerleaders, the obnoxious kids, the ones who wet the bed, even the left-handed folk and the gingers (haha, I'm a ginger, so that was ok) ...He made each and every one and loves each one uniquely.

That's how big MY God is.