An Open Letter to No One // Edification

we heart it  via Darling, be daring.

Unless you've been living...oh, I don't know, nowhere, then you've probably heard about the Miley circa the VMA's debacle. That, in conjunction with her gratuitously sexual music videos and photos and erratic behavior, have driven her to the forefront of the public eye.

Recently, artist Sinead O'Connor facebooked an open letter to Miley Cyrus in which she describes how she is "extremely concerned for [Miley]" and blathers on about how Cyrus is being pimped, she is not caring for herself, she should use her talent instead of her sexuality, so on and so forth. Millions of people all over the interwebs have heralded O'Connor as some sort sort of martyr and mother figure for her deep-seated compassion and thoughtful advice to the younger artist.

Pardon my french, but I call bullsh*t.

A very public and open facebook post is NOT the appropriate forum to mentor or speak truth to a person in need. I find it troubling that so many people think that it is. (And based on Cyrus' defensive and questionable reaction, I would call into question its efficacy as well.)

I don't want to focus on the tabloid, star-studded, gossip-y controversy (i mean i totally do, but not right now), but rather the mentality driving a lot of the public response.

There are two very basic things we need to call out here:

•  If someone needs guidance or counsel that you are in a position to provide, a discrete and personal conversation will go a lot further in demonstrating your concern and compassion. Leave loud public announcements and open letters (that are really more about you and your highly publicized "compassion") behind. It seems a little Pharisaical, don't you think?

 If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 
Matthew 18:15

•  All guidance and advice should come from a place of love.

Let all that you do be done in love. 
1 Cor 16:14

...Knowledge makes arrogant, but love edifies. If anyone supposes that he knows anything, he has not yet known as he ought to know.
1 Cor 8:1-2

How do we ensure that we are speaking out of love?

I would humbly suggest that we look at our relationship with the person to whom we are speaking. Do you have any actual knowledge about this person's life or struggles? Have you truly lived life with them? Been there when they've hurt, rejoiced when they've rejoiced? Have you built a foundation for a conversation, not a lecture? Preaching at someone is not loving. Building a sincere and genuine two-way relationship, one in which you listen and talk, is.

I've been a person in need of guidance and instruction. I've been entrenched in sin and had people speak Truth to me. But the advice and support that's meant the most has been given by people who loved me well. The ones who held their hand out when I was in need, who rejoiced with me in my blessings, and intentionally invested in my life...it's never been the ones who arrogantly step in only to  counsel and then step out again.

To the self-righteous open letter writers, to the people who are professional hand-shakers and five-minute conversation-havers in between the pews, to the Sunday School classmates who collect prayer requests like Pokemon cards but never follow up:

Just because you have an opinion doesn't mean it's your place to say it.

Counsel and advice should always be rooted in Love, and Love requires investment. 

Ok, that's my last open letter.

-bRob

California Roadtrip: Big Sur, Seals, and Six Flags

Day 2: Big Sur & Elephant Seals

Much to the disappointment and annoyance of my sweet little sister, we drove down to Big Sur for some serious hiking. And by serious hiking I mean a 4 mile moderately strenuous trail...which I didn't think would be too big of a deal after my 37 near death experiences in Maui.

Big Sur is just a piece down the road from Monterey and Carmel, both of which were chilly and overcast when we stopped. Big Sur was grey as well, which I adored. Overcast days, especially by the sea, are so romantic, don't you think?

The grey sky almost melded into the sea, and when looking out at the horizon, you couldn't tell which was which. It was all just this slatey abyss.

the daily selfie. do you like my mullet?

We hiked the Ewoldsen trail in Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park.

you can tell i take this hiking business seriously because i'm wearing spandex.

the one caveat I would mention about hiking the Ewoldsen trail is that it doesn't have what i would consider "good" views until well into two very steep miles. I didn't mind too much, because I love a good leg-burning, heart-pumping hike, but if you don't enjoy hiking for hiking's sake, and if you aren't an especially patient person, I would not recommend this trail.

The problem is that the trail is mostly in wooded areas, and the first few miles are just an uphill climb through trees. I don't know, maybe I'm just not a tree person. If you are a tree person, you'll probably get a get a huge kick out of it.

But once you got up those two miles, you come around the mountain and end up high above the ocean.

And if your name is not bRob and you don't make a habit of taking horrible pictures, you might snap a few gorgeous shots.

She only agreed to pose after a lot of cajoling.

the one bit of wildlife we didn't manage to scare away...

walking in and out of the park you'll see this beautiful little grotto [?] and waterfall across the road. 

minimal hiking required.

After leaving Big Sur, we drove down a little shy of Santa Barbara. On the way, a friend suggested I stop and visit the elephant seals (or sea elephants, as i prefer to call them) between the lighthouse and Hearst Castle near San Simeon.

Easily one of the best pieces of advice I've ever received. Like, cross stitch that mess on a pillow, good advice. The elephant seals are hilarious. Living proof that God is part comedian.

"don't look at me." 

I suppose the "elephant" part comes from their snouts, which look like abridged trunks. And their bodies are essentially lumpy potato sacks. They wrinkle and wobble awkwardly and pooch in the funniest ways.

Let's get serious - my spirit animal is probably the elephant seal.

"hey guys i called middle spoon"

and these guys have NO sense of personal boundaries. My favorite thing was when one seal would go up and hardcore shove himself between two other sleeping seals. Then one of the sleeping seals would inevitably become aggravated, grunt, and wibblewobble out of the way.

this happened every few seconds.

Also they flipped sand on themselves a lot. In a very nonchalant fashion. 

guys why'd you start napping without me?

I could have watched these guys all day. But I didn't. But I could have.

And in case you're wondering how our hours upon hours in the car went down, Marena and I got into a pretty heated discussion about Old Crow Medicine Show vs Darius Rucker Wagon Wheel. I don't know how it lasted so long because obviously OCMS has a lock on Wagon Wheel and Darius Rucker's version is a pathetic adulterated sham, but educating your little sister takes time, I guess.

The car now has a strict no-Darius-Rucker policy.

Darius, I think Hootie wants you back. Or at least country doesn't want you. - bRob

Day 3: Six Flags

Since my sister isn't such a big fan of hiking and wanted to do something a bit more "fun", we wanted to spend one day in one of California's plethora of amusement parks.

Our first instinct was to go to Disney, but at half the price and with a fraction of the little children running and screaming around, Six Flags seemed the more appealing option.

But what we didn't take into consideration is that while Six Flags isn't geared towards children, its more mature audience consists of lovesick teenagers who grope one another in the line for the Roaring Rapids. I'm not judging, but I did have a front row seat for an ungodly number of hours.

ew.

Regardless, i think marena enjoyed the rides and i got through two roller coasters before i realized how old and curmudgeony i am and swore off theme parks forever. Not altogether a bad day.

-bRob

California Road Trip: Monterey & Carmel

So I don't know if you're as obsessed with my comings and goings as I like to think you are, InterWebs, but my little sister and I are currently on a California road trip.

Let me tell you how WEIRD it is to go on a vacation as an adult. I spent the first three days of vacation agonizing about this report I'd done for work and whether or not people knew where to reach me in case of some catastrophic work emergency, like, does anyone know what bRob renamed that one stupid file? and then i anxiously bit my nails and waited for people to send emails back and forth going, ugh bRob is the worst how could she leave us in the middle of this project OR ugh bRob is the worst thank heavens she's gone. But apparently no one's sent that email yet or they've just forgotten to 'cc' me.

Paranoia aside, I figured I might chronicle some of our travelings across southern California (you'll note that I refrained from calling it SoCal, and for your sake, will continue to do so), so at the very least, Grandma won't be so worried about whether or not we've been kidnapped by hippies and whether or not we're staying hydrated (we aren't).

It should be noted I put WAY too much faith in my phone camera. I kind of gave up using my camera camera, because it doesn't always get colors right, but apparently once you expand a phone photo to larger than 2 pixels, it looks like someone drew it with a crayon. And what i mean by that is why is my phone camera so blurry...

Day 1: Monterey & Carmel-By-The Sea

I was a little disappointed in Monterey. While the aquarium was lovely, the town itself was a bit of a drip. I did find a great used bookstore, much to Marena's disappointment. And then, in addition to the eight books I brought with me, I bought two more used books. About dragons. Whatever, I go through weird phases when I'm on vacation. 

[Number of books purchased: 2. This will be an ongoing count throughout the roadtrip.]

Without further ado, I present: the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

It blew my mind a little bit that this is what sand dollars (a sand dollar colony?) actually look like when they're not dead and on your Christmas tree. 

This little buddy was a bit of a camera hog. Baby Turtle was dallying and dancing right in front of the glass and this was the best photo I could capture. Typical.

An angel seahorse. That's not what it's officially called, but that's what I would call it if someone bothered to ask me my opinion.

This picture, in case you can't make it out, is the picture of a dwarf seahorse. As if seahorses weren't cute enough. My sister's finger for scale.

These are jellyfish. Can you believe it. Also - you should probably be super grateful, I've spared you, no joke, 37 mediocre blurry jellyfish pictures right now.

An overly attentive aquarium worker trapped us for 15 minutes to tell us about all the birds surrounding the aquariums. the BIRDS. Not only am I an introvert who doesn't like to be trapped in conversation, but I especially don't super want to be trapped in a conversation about birds. So I asked him to take a picture so he'd stop talking and then tried to escape like 3 more times.

color me hilarious.

This next series of photographs is from Carmel-By-The-Sea. They sure don't do the place any justice, but I am in LOVE with Carmel. It reminds me a lot of the Hamptons. It's absolutely gorgeous, on the ocean, romantic, quiet, and a lot of delusional rich people live there. And the window displays are to die for.  

Obviously you can't see because 70% of this picture is road, but Carmel has amazing, beautiful houses. Glamorous, modern, etc. All on the edge of the ocean (that is too cold to swim in, might i add) with these giant trees shading them. 

I don't even know what these are but I like them.

This display was really gorgeous but you know me and my photography skills...

That dress is probably my soul mate.

Skinny [and delusionally rich] bRob would wear the HECK out of this outfit.

I mean how adorable...

And of course there is a store devoted to mermaid paraphernalia. 

Add one cup of hot chocolate and about 3 hours of driving and I think you've got a healthy idea of our first day in southern California.

love,

bRob

Is there Room for Grace in an 80 hour Work Week?

Where does my faith fit into my work-dominated life?

In many ways, the Lord has crafted me for this sort of work environment. Being in consulting is a high-intensity, intellectually challenging, fast-paced, continuously changing calling. All of which I craved coming out of undergrad.

I truly enjoy what I do. But more and more, I wonder how, in a job that requires a high degree of aggression, competition, and sacrifice, I am supposed to embody the grace, humility, and meekness God asks of His followers.

After a non-stop month of constant sleep deprivation, working all weekend, dealing with terrible coworker drama llama, blowing off my family and friends because I have a lifetime supply of excel sheets to sift through, completely blowing my diet out of the water and living on diet coke, sandwiches, energy drinks, and thai food...I'm exhausted.

oh...and I've completely turned into this kind of jackwagon:

Not by choice, mind you. I hate interrupting conversations and interactions with work calls, but, candidly, when your boss calls you about something last minute, what are you supposed to do??

I'm in a very confusing place right now. God has given me this personality and work ethic and drive that make me a good fit for consulting. And I don't think being a blunt, ambitious person is inherently wrong. I truly believe that God has put me here, and these parts of my personality that might strike some as abrasive have served me well in this environment.

But what I don't know is how to do these things with the grace of a woman of God. How do you turn the other cheek while still protecting yourself against a manipulative coworker who is attempting to undermine you? I've actually had a few people suggest that negotiating raises and salaries is greedy, but I believe there's something to be said for defending your worth as an employee. But where is that balance? And how do you make intentional time for friends, family, and, most importantly, the Lord, when you pound back energy drinks just to stay awake? How do I find the stamina to glorify God through my work when quite frankly I can't even get to all of it? Where does a healthy and necessary dose of ambition and aggression meet grace and humility?

And I think what worries me the most is that I don't have any godly examples around me. It's no secret that consulting can be a very secular, worldly career, and though I'm fortunate to be in a firm that is a far cry from House of Lies, consultants that openly identify themselves as a Christ-followers are few and far between (not non-existent, mind you, but certainly scarce). I don't think these intense, competitive professional careers are inherently antagonistic to a godly way of life, but why do I feel so alone in this? And how....do I do it?

In a world full of wolves, how am I supposed to be as shrewd as a serpent and innocent as a dove? It seems like a juggling act that I haven't quite grasped.

Here lies a post without resolution. I just don't know.

-bRob

Maui

Note: None of these pictures are in any sort of order and probably this post is nonsensical because I'm out of practice. 

Hey-o.

The other week, because I was slated to work remotely, and because I've been out on the west coast for work, working from Hawaii seemed like a good alternative to working from North Carolina. And working from Hawaii went about as well as you'd expect. Unless you the reader are a coworker, in which case it was super productive, probably the most productive week of my life.

that dumb guy's head

I stayed at this incredibly weird hostel right on the beach above. The hostel wasn't that weird, but there were NO other travelers there. And when you're a single traveler that's kind of lame. And the guy who ran the hostel was a little...curmudgeon-y. But he had a buddy, Andy, who went hiking with me and took me and some of the hostel-ers down the road on the Road to Hana.

I went snorkeling here - Honolua Bay

Andy and I decided to go hiking at Waihee Ridge Trail. This hiking trip will forever be known as the trip where I put too much faith in my Chacos, and I'd like to say that even though it was a hard hike that tested my physical abilities and really challenged the number of post- [...and pre-]dinner cookies I consume on the regular, the hike up Waihee Ridge Trail was worth it.

But 2.5 miles straight uphill later...

...I'm not sure it was. 

This was my view. After one of the most strenuous hikes of my life.

I mean sure I built personal character or some nonsense like that, but then I almost died 37 times on the way down because Chacos do not have great traction when you are climbing straight down a narrow little trail and my butt was COVERED in mud because after falling a lot I eventually ended up just booty-scooting down half the da*n mountain.

Not pictured: the mud plastered all over my legs...and butt.

I WILL have you know that the only other people I saw go all the way up the trail were really tiny fitness gurus in spandex. I'm basically a hero for all marginally chubby people in Maui.

The fog was so thick that it made me a little claustrophobic.

One of approximately 2 pictures I took on the Road to Hana. This guy from Spain is supposed to email me more pictures and if he ever remembers I'll post them but in the meantime I'm sure you can just google Hana.

I went to the aquarium because I'm kind of addicted to them and I saw what may be the world's ugliest fish, bless his heart. 

A beautiful seahorse. 

This was not at the aquarium but candidly I do not remember where it is.

On the Road to Hana picture #2

Working from Maui meant that I occasionally had to get up for meetings at 4am. And by occasionally I mean pretty much almost every day. And the ornery hostel cat threw a fit and wanted to come cuddle and be annoying every morning when I was trying to get work done, which apparently tuckered him out.

Luckily the island boasts some delicious local coffee. BTW - the local coffee shop people asked me if I lived on the island. Lord knows how but apparently I fit in in Maui, because at least two other people asked the same thing. 

Iao Valley and one of the less embarrassing photos from my trip unless you find selfies embarrassing in which case I should probably delete this but I won't. 

I went to the Maui Swap Meet on one of my last days on the island. You'll note all the freckles from 10 days of constant sunshine (eat it, San Fran). Not pictured is the oozing, flaking, purple-y red sunburn that hurt like sin for ten days after the ten days on the island.

Anyways, back to the swap meet...I wanted to get local gifts for everybody. While perusing the stalls, I strolled by a ukulele booth. I stopped and chatted and asked how much this little buddy was. "$99".

I walked off.

And then turned around, spent an hour playing all the ukuleles, and ended up buying him. I didn't forget everyone else and I got them some funky fresh souveneirs. Of course, cool as these gifts were, none of them are quit as fun as an uke.

So, long story short, Maui was fun. I wish I had more pictures from the Road to Hana - so many of the sites were beautiful and romantic and unbelievably otherworldly. Especially the Red Sands Beach. There was this secluded little alcove with teal water and dark red sand and I spent a full thirty minutes pretending to be the Little Mermaid in that thing. Which was ok because Maui is currently not that crowded so not too many people minded the charismatic display.

Truthfully - I probably wouldn't go back to Maui. I'm sorry to say that there isn't a lot of local culture on the island, and I am not much of a beach bum ( see: Sunburn rant). It was gorgeous and I saw amazing sights, but there are so many cultures and places to explore and if I'm supposed to explore them all in this lifetime then I had better keep on rolling. But I'm glad I went and I'm glad my sunburn is healed and I'm glad I have a ukulele.

Aloha, friend.

-bRob